homesick with arachnids

I found a spider in my shower this evening. That, in and of itself isn't that remarkable. It was, of course, small, dark, and harmless, but it reminded me of where I used to call home. I at once became homesick. Homesickness is a funny thing - you can be surrounded by familiarity, luxury, and family and friends but still feel a pull from your past. It's like an invisible tether that wraps around the heart and yanks it in the direction of home. I suppose for me, it'll always be there no matter how far away I travel or how different my day-to-day life becomes. Homesickness is a reminder of who we are and where we come from, at least until things start to feel right again.

So, I looked at this spider, smiled to myself, and thought: "Ahh homesickness -- you never really go away." I then went ahead to have my shower. He didn't seem too displeased. Homesickness isn't something that goes away in a day or even a week and it can show itself in some of the strangest places. Suddenly, something so small and seemingly insignificant can remind us that even though we may be far away, we still carry a piece of home with us wherever we go.

Remember: Home isn't a place but rather a feeling that follows. So, I was lucky enough tonight to find a spider , and in my case, the little guy reminded me of home and all the people I loved and I left behind when I unexpectedly moved back here. And although it's not quite the same as being surrounded by loved ones, it was comforting to know he was there. You see, when I wasn't in NYC, I lived in the country, in the middle of the woods, up a small mountain in the Hudson Valley of NY. It had lots of critters, but even more spiders. Regrettably, we used to kill them on sight, but after a while, that option felt gratuitous and cruel, so eventually, we just let them live with us, we shared the space with them, I even named a few of them. Although if truth be told, if they got a bit too close we would gingerly escort them to the window and let them out. But the sight of it in the shower made me homesick in an instant.

I guess part of being homesick is learning the things you used to take for granted. To me, it’s the spider that brought forth this realization. My eight-legged friends from upstate New York - with their unexpected appearances and surprising resilience - remind me of being at home and all that means to me. That spider helped remind me of happier times, moments with family and friends laughing around the dining room table or the woodstove on a cold winter night; or going out in the rain to explore the surroundings or walking face first into a spider dangling in front of the bathroom sink. It may sound silly but tonight that little critter provided a comfort that couldn't be found anywhere else.

So, if you're feeling homesick right now, try to remember it's okay to feel this way. It doesn't mean you don't love where you are or who you're with. Instead, it simply means that being away from home is hard and your heart needs time to adjust. Even though I'd give anything for a glimpse of my home away from home, it was nice to see the spider in the shower. It was like a little reminder that although I am far from what was once my home, the world is still full of small wonders and miracles. I just have to take notice.

So, here's to the spider in my shower and the chance to remember all that I miss. I'm grateful for the reminder it brought me. Cheers!

Game, Guts, and Rock Paper Scissors

Game theory in life is about developing a solid strategy based on logic and economics.  

In real life, game theory is the study of strategic decision-making—or how best to choose when there are conflicting interests. It’s based on the simple idea that we can model any strategic situation as though it were a game. 

For example, think about a tennis match. The players have different goals: one wants to win the game, while the other just wants to avoid losing. Each player has different strengths and weaknesses, which they must consider when making their decisions. Game theory can help us understand how each player will act in this situation. By understanding the rules of the game, we can figure out what the best move is for each player.   

We can use game theory to make strategic decisions in all sorts of situations, from business to politics to relationships. Game theory is used by businesses all the time. Companies use it to figure out how best to price their products, how to design advertising campaigns, and how to negotiate deals with other businesses.   

Game theory can also be used in personal relationships. For example, you might use game theory to figure out how best to ask your boss for a raise or when it's time to move on from a stagnant relationship or failing business venture. The key to success in game theory is to have a good understanding of human behavior. We must be able to predict how others will react to our actions to make the best possible decisions. Only then can we develop a winning strategy.  

There are a few important concepts in game theory that can help you make better decisions in any situation. The first is the concept of Nash equilibrium. Nash equilibrium is when both players in a game are making the best possible move given the other player’s strategy. In other words, neither player has anything to gain by changing their strategy.   

Nash equilibrium is important because it helps us find the best possible outcome in a game. If both players are in Nash equilibrium, then we know that neither player can do any better by changing their strategy. This is the best possible outcome for both players.  

The second important concept in game theory is the Prisoner’s Dilemma. The Prisoner’s Dilemma is a game that illustrates how two people can make suboptimal decisions when they are trying to maximize their payoff. In the game, two prisoners have been captured by the police. The police interrogate each prisoner separately and offer them the following deal:    

If Prisoner A confesses and Prisoner B does not, then Prisoner A will be set free, and Prisoner B will go to jail for 10 years.  

If both prisoners confess, then each will go to jail for 5 years.  

If neither prisoner confesses, then each will only go to jail for 1 year.  

The key to this game is that the prisoners cannot communicate with each other. They can only make their own decisions. Given these options, what would you do?  

The answer might seem obvious: you should confess because you don’t want to go to jail for 10 years. But if both prisoners confess, then they will both go to jail for 5 years. So, the best possible outcome for both prisoners is if neither of them confesses. But, because they cannot communicate with each other, they are both likely to make the suboptimal decision and confess. This is an example of how game theory can help us understand human behavior and make better decisions.  

The third important concept in game theory is the idea of a dominant strategy. A dominant strategy is a strategy that is the best possible move no matter what the other player does. For example, in the game of rock-paper-scissors, the best possible move is to always play rock. This is because rock beats paper, paper beats scissors, and scissors beat rock. No matter what the other player does, you will always win if you play rock.  

Dominant strategies are important because they help us find the best possible move in a game. If both players have a dominant strategy, then we know that the game will always end in a tie. But if one player has a dominant strategy and the other does not, then the player with the dominant strategy will always win.  

These are just a few of the important concepts in game theory. By understanding these concepts, you can make better decisions in any situation. So, next time you’re faced with a difficult decision, remember to think about game theory.  

Having a good understanding of human behavior is not everybody's forte. We can get a glimpse of how other people think by learning game theory. But human behavior is not always predictable. There are many times when we need to decide without knowing what the other person is thinking. In these cases, it is best to trust our gut instinct.  

Gut instinct is that feeling we get in our stomach that tells us what to do. It is a primal and instinctual response to a situation. Our brain is hardwired to make split-second decisions based on this feeling.  

Gut instinct is important because it can help us make decisions quickly. In a fast-paced world, we don't always have time to think things through we can't always apply the game theory. Sometimes, we just need to go with our gut.  

Of course, gut instinct is not always correct. We can't always trust our gut to make the right decision. But if we listen to it enough, we might be able to develop a sixth sense of what is best for us. So next time you're faced with a difficult decision, don't forget to listen to your gut. It just might help you find the best possible outcome.  

 So, there we have two options for the best outcome in any game, either we have a dominant strategy, or we go with our gut instinct. But what if we don't have either of those? what do we do then?  

If we don't have a dominant strategy or the ability to go with our gut instinct, then we need to think through the possible outcomes of our decision. Of course, this isn't always the case. There are many situations where there is no clear best decision. In these cases, we need to weigh the pros and cons of each choice and choose the one that is most helpful to us.  

Weighing the pros and cons of each choice can help us decide when there is no clear best choice. But sometimes, even this isn't enough. In these situations, we might need to ask for help from someone who has more experience than us. Asking for help is not always easy. We might feel like we are admitting that we can't do something on our own. But sometimes, asking for help is the best decision we can make, asking for help might be the best thing we can do. By asking for help, we can get guidance from someone who knows more than us. So, next time you're stuck in a difficult decision, remember to ask for help. 

But Applying game theory in a practical sense requires an actual game board or some other sort of visual representation. A game board helps us to map out the possible moves we can make, and the possible outcomes of those moves. It also helps us to see what the other person is doing, and how that affects our strategy. There are many diverse types of game boards, but the most important thing is that it helps us to see the big picture. The physical board also allows us to play out the game in our head, which can help us to understand it better. the easiest game board is one that we can make ourselves. 

When making a game board, and this is where the pen-to-paper application comes into play, we first need to identify the players in the game. For example, if we are playing chess, then the players are white and black. If we are playing Go, then the players are red and white. Once we know who the players are, we can start to map out the possible moves they can make. For example, in chess, the black player can move their pawns forward, or they can capture the white player's pieces. In Go, the red player can place their stones on any space on the board. 

Once we know the possible moves each player can make, we need to map out the possible outcomes of those moves. For example, in chess, if the black player captures the white player's queen, then the black player wins. In Go, if the red player surrounds the white player's stones, then the red player wins. 

Once we know the possible outcomes of each move, we can start to think about what the best move is for each player. For example, in chess, the best move for the black player might be to capture the white player's queen. In Go, the best move for the red player might be to surround the white player's stones. 

The important thing to remember about game theory is that it is always changing. The strategies we use today might not work tomorrow. This is because people are always learning and adapting, just like we are.  

So, we need to be flexible in our thinking, and always be willing to learn new things.  

Game theory is a useful tool that can help us to understand human behavior.  

It can also help us to make better decisions in any situation. 

The Pain of Forgiving

Pain means a lot of things to a lot of people. To some, it is simply an annoyance. To others, it is a debilitating experience that prevents them from living their life to the fullest. Pain is not always physical, emotional pain is just as real and just as debilitating. We carry emotional pain and the scars of emotional pain with us for our entire lives. It can be hard to move on from that pain and to forgive those who have hurt us.

When we are faced with pain, we have a choice. We can choose to let it defeat us, or we can choose to learn from it and move on. Pain is a part of life, but how we deal with it is up to us. We can choose to be angry and resentful, or we can choose to be happy and peaceful ,the choice is ours.

When we are in pain, it is important to reach out for help. People care about us and want to help us through our pain. Professionals can help us deal with our pain in a healthy way. It is ok to ask for help, we are not weak for doing so it takes a lot of strength to ask for help.

Pain does not have to define us, we can choose how we want to respond to it. We can choose to be happy and peaceful, regardless of our pain.

Forgiving those that have caused us pain is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. It allows us to let go of the anger and resentment we feel towards those who have hurt us. However, it doesn't mean that we have to forget what happened or that we have to continue to associate with those who have hurt us. It simply means that we are choosing to let go of the anger and pain.

Forgiveness is not always easy. When we forgive others, we free ourselves from the chains of bitterness and anger and we allow ourselves to move on with our lives and to find happiness and peace.

When we are the cause of someone else's pain, we should own up to it, and try to make amends. If the person is not willing to forgive us, that is their choice, but we need to find peace with that choice within ourselves. We can't change what has happened, but we can change how we react to it. We can learn from it and ensure it does not happen again.

Forgiveness is not only for the person who has been hurt but for the person who has caused the pain as well. It is a chance for both of them to move on and find peace. Forgiving yourself might seem odd and a bit selfish but it is vital to start the healing process. You need to forgive yourself to move on. You need to understand that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes. But you also need to understand that you are capable of learning from those mistakes and growing as a person.

When forgiving someone or forgiving ourselves we have to keep in mind that context is key. It is not always easy to do, but it is worth it. There are so many different contexts in which forgiveness might be necessary: when we've been hurt by someone we love when we have hurt someone else when a situation or event has left us feeling pain and confusion. In all of these cases, forgiveness is an act of healing—not just for the person who was hurt, but for the person who caused the pain as well. When we can forgive ourselves, we can start letting go of the pain and the shame that we feel. We can move on and be happy. Forgiveness is vital to healing a wounded soul. However, there are times when the pain caused has been so great that forgiveness seems impossible, this is where patience and time come into play. In any situation, we need to be careful not to rush the process of forgiveness. It's a natural reaction to want forgiveness from someone we have hurt as soon as possible, but that's not always the best thing. It takes time and patience to forgive.

There are many different ways to find forgiveness. Some people find it through their faith, others find it in nature, and still, others find it within themselves. The important thing is that we find a way to forgive that works for us and that we stick with it. Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it is something that needs to be nurtured and cared for after the fact, it is an ongoing journey.

The most important thing to remember is that forgiveness is a choice that we make, it doesn't happen automatically. We have to work at it, and it's not easy, but it is always worth it.

Pain is natural, we can't avoid pain, it creates stronger people, and it is something that we all have to go through at some point in our lives. The key is not to let the pain consume us, but to learn from it and grow from it. and when we can find forgiveness amid our pain, we are on the road to healing. Forgiveness is a vital part of the healing process it is what allows us to heal.

In the end, forgiveness is not about the person who has been hurt or the person who has caused the pain.

It is about healing and moving on.

It is about finding peace and happiness.

It is about being able to look at the past without anger or resentment and being able to smile at the future.

what defines us

What defines us? Does our past define us? Do judgments by others? Or does our lowest moment define us? Does context play a role?

These are some of the questions that I have been thinking about lately. I believe that the answer to all of these questions is no, no, no and yes. Our past and our lowest moments all play a role in shaping us as individuals, but they are not the definition of who we are. What defines us is our capacity to love, forgive, and learn from our mistakes and wrongdoings. Others' judgments are subjective opinion and should never be taken as gospel. As for context, it does play a role but only insofar as it provides us with insight to the experiences.

So, if our past, lowest moments and the judgments by others do not define us, what does? I believe that we are defined by our present actions. Our core values, the choices we make and the things we do (or don't do) in our lives are what define us as individuals. Are we kind? Are we helpful? Do we stand up for what we believe in? Do we fight for the rights of others? Do we try to make the world a better place? These are the things that define us as human beings.

What defines us as individuals is this continuous journey that we take. We are always growing and evolving, so it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes us who we are. Does one moment or one experience define you as a person? Or is it the sum of all of your experiences that make you who you are. I think the important thing to remember is that we are constantly evolving and the definition of who we are changes over time. We can redefine ourselves in as many ways and as many times as we wish - there is no right or wrong answer. So, what defines you? Whatever it is ,you ought to stay true to yourself and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling.

So, if this continuous journey that we are on, and the experiences and decisions that we make today are what define us as people, then it's important to make sure that we are making the right decisions and having good experiences. We want to be making decisions that are in line with our values and will help bring us closer to our goals and dreams. It's not always easy to make the right decisions, but with a little bit of effort and determination, we can do it. So, start. But we make mistakes. We all make them, it’s inevitable. What’s important is that we don’t continue making the same ones over and over again. Unfortunately, some never learn from their mistakes and they continue making them throughout their lives. This can lead to a lot of pain and suffering, not just for the person making the mistakes but also, for those around them.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I’m sure I will make more in the future. But that doesn’t bother me because I know that they carry experience with them and I'll grow as a person. So as long as we are willing to learn from our mistakes, we can always move forward and improve our lives. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes because it is through making them that we become the best version of ourselves. However, your mistakes don't define you, but the way you deal with them just might.

The fact that we are always growing and changing, means I'm not the same person I was when I was in my teens or 20's or 30’s, AND good god I wouldn't want to be. My core values have evolved, my thoughts are different, and I have a different perspective on life in general based on the experiences I've had, both good and bad. I can't be defined by one moment or one experience, it's the sum of everything that makes me who I am.

What’s exciting is that we have the ability to redefine ourselves in as many ways and as many times as we wish - there is no right, or wrong way just ask Lady Gaga. The key is to stay true to yourself and live a life so that it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes you who you are. Do you want one moment or experience to define you as a person? Or do you want all of your experiences that make you who you are to?

I used to think of myself as a shy person. However, through my experiences over the years, I have become more confident and now I would say that I am an introverted people person. I used to think that I was a terrible cook, but now I enjoy and am good at cooking and baking for my family and friends. I used to think that I wasn't good at sports, but I played rugby and I go to the gym 6 days a week. I used to think I was a cowboy complete with boots and a big hat and a horse named Maddison. So, as I said before, it's up to you to decide what defines you. You can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. Just make sure that it is authentic to who you are and that it makes you happy. Don't let anyone else determine your identity for you - that's your job.

Thankfully we are always changing, so it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes us who we are. The thing to remember is that these are just a few examples of how I have changed myself over time. Since it is up to you to determine what defines you, no one else can take your personal inventory and pass judgment. Remember this because it can be easy to get stuck in our past and others' past interpretations of us and let others' judgments of that past version of us define us. We are not static beings, so, if you don't like who you are right now, that's okay! Just keep going on your journey and you will eventually get to where you want to be.

My lowest moment has played a role in shaping who I am today, but it is not what defines me. I am also defined by my positive experiences and how I have chosen to learn and grow from them. So, while my lowest moment is a part of my story, it is not the whole story. And that’s okay. The lowest moment of my life was when I lost my business in 2003. It was a very difficult time for me, but I learned a lot from it, and it made me stronger. I am now more resilient and have a better understanding of what I want in life. So, while that experience was tough, it also helped me to grow as a person. Did people get hurt along the way? Yes, but I learned from my mistakes, I made amends and am better because of it. That business failure did not define me as a failure, it was just a low moment that I recovered from and moved on. I attempted something that 99% of the population would never try, so to me, it was still a monumental success. This is not to say that we should forget our past, or try to bury it, it is important to remember our past experiences, both good and bad and honor them because they have made us who we are. But we don't have to let them define us.

Context does play a role in defining who we are. Context is needed when you tell your story so people can understand the present version of you. Context is the environment in which your experience is situated or exists. It helps to give meaning to our experiences. Context is shaped by our family, friends, culture, society, and our past, our lowest moments, and in some cases, our dreams. So, context is important but you have the power to choose how those experiences will shape you.

So, for example, I am Canadian, and I grew up as a gay boy in a small town and now I live in NY. So, my experiences are different from someone who grew up in a big city or someone who is not gay. I have a major depressive disorder, so that is a part of who I am, but it is not the only thing that defines me. I was sexually assaulted when I was 17, does that define me as a victim? No, it does not. I was an addict, but am I always going to be one? Some would say yes, but I say no. That past does not define me, it just shaped me, and the decisions and choices I make today are what define me. That being said, context plays a role, we all have unique experiences and it is important to have a sense of where we come from and our ties to our cultural heritage because it shaped who we are, however, but we don't have to be limited by our context.

Now, let's recap, shall we? I define myself as a kind-hearted, compassionate, and loving, resilient, strong, caring, and generous man who is always evolving. I am defined by my willingness to face my fears, admit when I'm wrong, give and accept apologies with grace, giving the benefit of the doubt and continue my commitment to living my best life.

We are not defined by our past, our lowest moments, or by the subjective opinions and judgments of others, we are defined by our journey and the decisions that we make today. It is how we choose to see the world and how we react to what life throws at us that defines us.

So, choose wisely and react intelligently and be the best person you can be.

Accentuate the Positive

Positivity and negativity exist simultaneously in our daily life. Like on a sphere, there is no up or down, left or right, front or back, but only a continuous surface. So, it is with our emotions. One moment we may feel happy and the next moment sad. We may be angry and at the same time feel love. Emotions aren't inherently good or bad; they're just energy in motion. It is our perception of these feelings that categorize them as such. When we label emotions as positive or negative, we are essentially judging them. This judgment can lead to emotions such as anger, resentment, and frustration. Alternatively, it can lead to emotions such as happiness, love, and compassion. The key is to simply observe our emotions without judgment.

It has been said that "the greatest enemy of happiness is not pain, but the anxiety about pain." We cannot be happy if we are constantly worried about being unhappy. We need to learn to accept that both positivity and negativity are a part of life. It's worth noting that like the weather, it’s constantly shifting. We can't control the weather, and we can't change our feelings; all we can do is be mindful of how react to them. All we can do is to try to be conscious of our feelings and accept them as they are.

Having a positive outlook in a world full of negativity is no easy feat, but I look at it like it is as essential as the air I breathe, the water I drink, and the food I eat. My reasons for remaining positive are essential to my well-being, and it's hard to maintain positivity throughout the day, and I have to trick my brain every so often, I smile a lot, not like some weirdo Joaquin Phoenix Joker thing, but smiling tricks the brain into thinking I'm happy, and when I do start to feel happy, my day gets better, and if my day gets better, I can help make someone else's day better. This is known as cognitive reframing, and it's a method of changing negative or self-defeating thought patterns by deliberately replacing them with more positive, constructive self-talk. You can see how it might be quite beneficial to be able to reframe circumstances and combat negative self-talk based on the definition. But I want to differentiate this from toxic positivity - which is the belief that no matter how dire a situation is, it can always be turned into something good because "thinking positive" will make it so. This is detrimental and not helpful, as it completely negates and diminishes the validity of your feelings. So, when I say positivity, I mean staying hopeful in every situation, not just glossing over the bad and pretending it doesn't exist but owning the negativity and bringing it forth into the light so that it can be dealt with.

I'm conscious of what I put in my body, I try and eat as healthily as possible, I stopped drinking alcohol to excess, I make sure I get enough water and exercise almost daily, all of which help improve my mood and positivity. I also take time for myself, even if it's just 10 minutes to read or have a cup of coffee in silence, and spend time writing, it's important to remember that I am human, and I need to nurture myself as well others. Positivity is like a muscle (yes, a gym reference) - the more I use it, the stronger it gets. And when I'm surrounded by negativity and darkness, positivity is like a light in that darkness. It can be a beacon on a mountaintop, showing me that there is hope and a way out when things are bleak.

It’s like ripples in a pond; your mood can be contagious. Positivity radiates outward and it sits on the surface, it has the potential to positively affect those around you. When you’re feeling optimistic, those emotions are not contained within you – they spread outward. When you smile at someone or show genuine interest in what they have to say, you are likely to get a smile and genuine interest in return. The more we positively interact with others, the more likely it is that they will respond positively back to us. So, one of the best things we can do for ourselves is work to support a positive attitude, the keyword is work, and it is hard work.

Positivity not only makes us happier people, but it also has some pretty amazing health benefits. Positivity has been linked with lower rates of anxiety and depression, better sleep, stronger immune systems, and longer life spans. It just makes sense – when I'm positive, my body responds positively by being positive, I'm not only doing something good for myself, but I am also helping those around me.

Positivity is key to creating a good life. It is the foundation on which I build my happiness, and it allows me to see the best in people and situations. It’s not naïve or rose-colored glasses; it’s simply choosing to see the good in life rather than only see the bad, positivity doesn’t mean that I ignore the negative aspects of life, but it does mean that I won't dwell on them and that I focus on what is going well. This is still difficult for me, but I am working on it every day.

I think one of the most important things to remember is that positivity is a choice. It’s not something that just happens – I have to actively choose to be positive. And sometimes, that choice is hard. But it’s worth it, because positivity has the power to change my life for the better. Positivity breeds more positivism. When I am positive, my outlook on life is generally good, and this affects how I view everything. Also, instead of looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed, I take it one piece at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Just keep swimming is what I tell myself often! Lastly, we all have our battles to fight that nobody knows about but us, so I focus on my own life and journey.

When I find myself in a negative situation or mindset, there are several things I do to turn it around and start thinking more positively again. It's not easy at first, but with a little bit of effort, it’s become second nature. One thing I do is to take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective. Instead of focusing on all the negative aspects, try to see the positive side as well. Another thing that helps me is to remember that every day is a new day and a fresh start. No matter what happened yesterday, today is a new day with new possibilities. Lastly, I like to focus on all the things am grateful for in my life. When thinking about all the good things I have, it’s easier to push away the negative self talk. Does this always work? No, but it does more often than not.

Positivity is essential to my well-being for several reasons:

1) Negativity is detrimental to my health, if I allow myself to give in to negativity it will only lead to more negativity and a spiral of depression.

2) Negativity is not productive, if I am constantly focused on negative things, then I am not able to focus on the positive things in my life that I need to work on.

3) Negativity takes away from my happiness, if I am constantly dwelling on negative thoughts, then it takes away from the positive thoughts that I could be experiencing.

4) Negativity is contagious, if I am around negativity, it is more likely to rub off on me and make me feel negative as well. However, if I surround myself with positivity, it is more likely to rub off on me and make me feel positive as well

5) Negativity makes me feel bad, both mentally and physically. It's not a good feeling to be negative all the time and it's not something that I do not want to feel anymore.

6) Negativity is a waste of energy, negativity is not a productive emotion and it is not something that I want to spend my time on.

7) Negativity does not solve anything, all it does is create more problems, negative thinking will always find a problem with a solution, positive thinking will find the solution to a problem.

8) I do not want to be a negative person, it is not who I am and it is not something that I want to be known for.

9) It is hard to be positive, but positivity is something that I value and something that I want to keep in my life.

10) There are far too many positive things in life to focus on the negative, I choose to be positive instead.

11) Medication and therapy help but they are just tools in my tool belt, they are not the only things that I rely on. Acknowledgment, acceptance, self-love, and a positive support group are essential in the process.

12) It's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way. I choose to fight for my happiness.

So, when negativity comes knocking at my door, I simply choose to not answer, I might take a look through the blinds, but I don't always let it in. Are there times it kicks in the door and rushes in? Of course, but I have gotten better at recognizing it and shutting it down and ushering it out as quickly as I can, it’s not a guest I want sitting around in my home for very long, like an unwelcome guest, after a few days, it just stinks.

So being positive is something that I choose, it is not easy, but it is worth it. Positivity makes me happier, more content and it just simply feels better than negativity. And, in the end, that is what is most important to me.

control

Control in your life has many meanings. It can mean being in charge of your own life, making your own decisions, and living your life the way you want to. In a workplace setting, it can mean having authority over someone else's job or tasks. In a relationship, it can mean being the one who makes decisions and keeps things running smoothly.

But what does control mean? Webster's dictionary defines it as "the ability to do something or act in a particular way." In other words, it's the power to make things happen. And that power can be incredibly empowering. It can give you a feeling of confidence and strength. It can help you get what you want out of life.

Control can also be dangerous. It can give you a false sense of security. It can make you feel like you're invincible. And it can lead you to make careless decisions that could have serious consequences. So how do you find the right balance? How do you use control to empower yourself without letting it take over your life? That's something you have to figure out for yourself. But here are some tips to help you get started:

-Start by acknowledging that control is a power tool. It can be helpful in certain situations, but it's not always the answer.

-Be careful not to use control as a way to manipulate or coerce others. That's not healthy for you or them.

-Try to let go of the need to control everything. Accept that there are some things you can't change, no matter how hard you try.

-Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. That doesn't mean you give up or stop trying. It just means you focus your energy on the things that are important to you.

So, what does control mean to you? How do you use it in your life?

The need for control over one's life is something I can relate to. For a long time, I have felt like my life was out of my control but going to the gym and building my body has given me a sense of accomplishment that I can't find elsewhere. I like going to the gym it is the only place where I feel I have some control over my body and my life. The gym is the only place where I see progress, its slow but measurable. I love the challenge of trying to beat my earlier bests. I stick to my training and diet plans much better when I have a goal to strive for. When I'm not happy with my physique, I feel like I am losing control of my life.

I've had to learn to let go of certain things that are out of my control. For example, I cannot control the weather or how people will react to me or other people's actions. However, there are other things that I can control such as how hard I work on my business, how hard I work at the gym, what I eat, what I drink, and how I treat others. So why do I keep going to the gym? For me, a gym is a place where I can forget about my troubles and focus on something that I'm good at, it allows me to be mindful of my body's capabilities and its limits. It's a place where I can be in control paired with discipline and consistency. And that's something that I need in my life.

Control is a slippery slope though. The more I try to control my life and those in it, the more I feel like I'm losing control. It's a never-ending battle, but one that I seem to be willing to fight. Having control is not about controlling others but controlling oneself. It is about having the power to make decisions and support them, to be in charge of one's life. It's not just a physical challenge, but also a mental one. And when I'm able to overcome the mental challenges, I feel like I can overcome anything.

I think the key to positively using control is to be mindful of your limitations, both physically and emotionally. You have to know your boundaries and when control is no longer helpful. It's also important to remember that control is always a choice. You can choose to use it or not. It's up to you.

mindful

Practicing mindfulness is no easy task, but it can be very rewarding. Am I always mindful…no I am not, I tend to get wrapped up in my own selfish ways sometimes. But when I am mindful, I can appreciate the moment and everything and everyone around me. But I try to work on it every day. It's not about being perfect, it's about becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment.

The benefits of practicing mindfulness are well documented and include reduced stress, improved mental clarity, and a greater sense of wellbeing. However, like any other skill, mindfulness takes time and practice to develop. Being mindful means being aware of the present moment, without judgment. It means being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and accepting them without judgment. It means being aware of your physical sensations, and accepting them without judgment. It means being aware of the world around you, and accepting it without judgment.

An easy way to start practicing mindfulness is by paying attention to your breath. When you are focusing on your breath, you are disconnecting from all of the distractions around you and focusing solely on the present one breath at a time. another easy way to practice mindfulness is to meditate. Meditation is a simple yet powerful tool that can help you focus and connect with your inner thoughts and feelings. There are many different types of meditation, so find one that works best for you.

I start by finding a comfortable place to sit or lie down. You can do this anywhere – at home, at work, or even outside in nature. Once you’re settled, close your eyes and focus on your breath. As you breathe in and out, pay attention to the sensations in your body and the thoughts that come into your mind. Don’t judge or try to change anything, just let everything be as it is. If your mind starts to wander, simply bring your attention back to your breath. Be patient – it takes time and practice to develop this skill.

Mindfulness can also be practiced in everyday activities. For example, when you’re eating, focus on the flavor, texture, and smell of the food. When you’re walking, focus on the feel of the ground beneath your feet and the sounds and smells around you. When you’re talking to someone, focus on their words and expressions. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it will become to be present at the moment.

Lacking mindfulness is a major source of stress and anxiety. People usually regret not being more mindful when something negative happens. A lot of the time, people are so wrapped up in their thoughts that they don't experience what's happening in the present moment. As a result, they miss out on a lot of the good things in life. Mindfulness can help you appreciate the good moments and make the most of them. It can also help you deal with difficult situations in a more constructive way. When you’re mindful, you’re less likely to react to things emotionally and more likely to respond in a way that is aligned with your values and goals. Start small and be patient as you practice mindfulness.

By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to live more in the moment. It takes time and practice to develop this skill, but the benefits are worth it. So find a way to practice mindfulness that works for you, and stick with it.

wake up

My need to be heard goes ignored

I holler into the abyss

a voice does not echo back

there is just silence

Silence, a physical weight holding me down

I speak up

I ask to lift the weight

My need to be heard goes ignored

The cycle continues

I lash out

My pleas go unheard

The pain, the frustration, the anger, the remorse

and the loneliness deliver a never-ending nightmare of silence

My need to be heard goes ignored

the only way out is to wake up...

is to wake up

...just, wake up.

discipline

Undisciplined people are the ones that pray for miracles to happen to them, but they don't do any work to make those miracles happen themselves.

Don't be that person.

Instead, work when no one else is working.

Yes, sometimes work can indeed wait until tomorrow. Sometimes other things in life also need to happen at the same time. And I'm not suggesting you should never sleep, eat or drink water… What I am saying is: If you want to become wealthy and experience business success, then do so by putting in long hours of work when everyone else is asleep, eating or drinking something cold or warm outside of regular meal times. You don't have to get up before dawn every day (although Warren Buffett does), but don't feel guilty about getting up early, say, around 7 a.m., if that's the only time you have to work on your business.

So that's it then? You just get up earlier than everyone else and that's all there is to it? No, not at all… It won't be easy. Of course, it won't be, because becoming an entrepreneur is hard work! But what sounds like hard work will make your life easier in the long run (provided you do the right things). At last, with this early start to your day, you'll finally manage to build a solid foundation for your business or company without having too many distractions (other people wanting your attention) pop up along the way.

What I mean by "distractions" is having to do things like going to a networking event, giving a speech at an event, attending a board meeting for your company or even worse: Being interviewed by the press about something controversial. Believe me, you don't want to give media interviews when you're still trying to get things off the ground!

Don't worry though—you can still be social and go out from time to time. Keep in mind that you need other people in order work on important tasks… You just have to find the right balance between working and enjoying yourself. So, keep that social life alive but cut down on how often you meet with friends, so you have more time to build your business while everyone else sleeps ;-)

When you finally become wealthy enough not to have to work for a living, you'll look back and wonder how it was possible that you ever had time for all those social activities. After all, there are only twenty-four hours in each day—and you should spend at least eight of them sleeping (even though I'm not suggesting that you should get up before dawn every single day).

That's pretty much it then: Get up early and focus on building your business while everyone else is still sleeping; Just make sure to take care of yourself by eating right and getting enough sleep while avoiding other things like smoking, drinking too much alcohol or spending too much time sitting down in front of the television (unless it's to watch educational programs) . You don't want to do anything foolish that compromises your health. You'll eventually see results for your efforts. But once you become successful by earning passive income, then you can finally enjoy some well-deserved rest after everything making sacrifices for your business.

And oh yeah—don't forget to go outside at least once or twice per week without having your smartphone with you. By taking regular breaks from the internet while being outdoors will help to reset both your mind and body. If possible, make sure these outdoor breaks involve physical exercise like hiking, biking or swimming.

Just remember: Success doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy to achieve and it won't be easy but do so anyway! You have to keep at it day after day after day, month after month and year after year until you finally reach your goal. There's no other way around it… You have to become an entrepreneur who works long hours every day of the week from morning until night! … Or at least from morning until early evening.

much manic

Mental illness symptoms manifest in various ways, depending on the type of illness. Some common symptoms include feeling sad or down, feeling anxious or worried, having low energy, feeling tired all the time, eating too much or too little, sleeping too much or too little, and experiencing aches and pains with no known physical cause. My particular brand is that I deal with both manic and depressive episodes; medication helps but it's not 100% effective but it's close. During a depressive episode, it feels like there's these pains and aches inside me that won't go away no matter what I do, and I can't focus on anything or make decisions. Everything feels pointless, and it’s hard to feel like you're the only one going through something when it feels like no one understands. It's also hard to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself. Thankfully the medications have all but eliminated the downward spirals I would have to endure without them, but I still have to deal with the highs which are just as bad in their way.

Mania is the complete opposite of the depressive state. It is quite hard to describe what it is like to have a manic episode, my house does not get deep cleaned nor does everything organized and neat, but I have mopped all the walls a few times in my life. For me it not full blown like it used to be, it kind of feels like a whirlwind of intense emotions, racing thoughts, irrational behaviors, sometimes partnered with aggression, and irritability. I often feel like I am disconnected from myself. I'll say things that I wouldn't normally say and do things that I wouldn't normally do. My thoughts rule my actions during these episodes, and I am unable to control them, no matter how hard I try. There is no one-size-fits-all definition of a manic episode, but mine hurt my relationships and the people I care about most. It's not until I look back at the wreckage that I realize what damage has been done.

These episodes are extremely difficult to deal with and it can be hard to function like a (believe me I use this term lightly) "normal" person, and those close to me often feel like they are walking on eggshells. It's still hard to accept this fact about myself and my health, and even still I feel ashamed and embarrassed about it, but I've found discussing this with people has helped me immensely. I'm not always willing to be open about this, it's problematic when I'm not open because it makes me feel like I'm hiding something, and that's not a good feeling. I'm also aware it's risky to discuss this topic because people can be quick to judge or dismiss you, it can hurt my chances with new friends, employment or it can hurt my business, but I get tired of hiding.

I know that my manic episodes aren't just a "phase" they're a part of who I am, and they seem like they’re never going away. I take my medication daily and it helps but the manic episodes can be triggered by a myriad of things, from major stress and a change in routine to not getting enough sleep. It's frustrating, and it's hard, but I'm trying to be more understanding and accepting of them.

What I find most difficult is explaining and apologizing for the behavior after the fact. I know that I act out of character during these times, it's as if I'm living in a world where nothing else matters except for my thoughts and feelings. How does one apologize for that? How do you have someone understand that it's not really you? How do you say that you didn't mean the hurtful things you said or the reckless things you did? I'm still learning how to deal with this, and I know that I have a long way to go. Until I was 45, I tried to tough it out on my own, and I had gotten used to covering up the symptoms of my manias by shifting blame, or by thinking that I could control my actions which was never successful and only made things worse in the long run. I used the manic times as a coping mechanism and got used to them and it led to a lot of self-destructive behavior. I was in a really bad place for a long time. It's also hard trying to find the right words to say when I’m manic because my thoughts are racing and feel like I’m on a high, the words were always wrong, and I could never seem to get them out right.

I try to let my friends know what to expect and ask for their support, but this is where I tend to fall short. I often don't want to burden them or make them feel like they have to "deal" with me, so I still hold back. But in doing so, I only end up hurting myself and the people that I care about. I'm still working on this, and I hope to get better at it with time. Until then, I'll continue to try to be understanding and accepting, and try to ride them out the best that I can. And hopefully, someday soon, I'll be able to find the right words to say during these times.

It's vital to note that not everyone who has a severe depression or bipolar disorder experiences manic episodes, and not all individuals who have a manic episode have all of the symptoms. I'm unsure what the future holds for me, but if I am able to assist someone out there who is suffering or at least locate people who are more understanding and accepting then its worth it. 

& boundaries

I was told yesterday that my way of dealing with personal boundaries was much like that of a dog, that I just come up to them invade and lick their face, not literally of course, if that makes sense. I am very affectionate once I get to know someone, but I try not to be too overwhelming. But at times much like a dog, I run in full force, tail wagging, excited and full of energy and only then I back off when the other person backs away from me or if they seem uncomfortable.

I need to learn to be more aware of other people's personal space and how they react to my nature. I'm not like cats, cats have boundaries and are aware of them, and they are constantly enforcing them and reminding you of them, however the goalposts move for cats so you never really know what will be a boundary one day and acceptable the next, one day they run hot and the next day cold and will treat you with utter indifference and irrelevancy . I tend to just go in hot all the time and then adjust my behavior as needed, which is not always the best approach.

This was a really good analogy for me, and it put into perspective how I need to respect certain peoples boundaries more. Thank you for sharing that! I will always be asking if people are a dog or cat person from now on, I think it will be really helpful.

Recognizing and respecting personal boundaries has not always been easy for me, I grew up with an abusive parent where boundaries were not respected. As a result, I have learned to be very both sensitive to other people's personal space and how they react when I cross it and oblivious to boundaries that I should not be crossing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to read people and their body language, and even longer to put that knowledge into practice.

But over the years, I have come to realize that respecting personal boundaries is not only the right thing to do, but it is also the key to having healthy and fulfilling relationships. When I am able to respect someone's boundaries, they feel safe around me and more open to communicating with me. And when I am not respectful of someone's boundaries, they tend to pull away from me and we lose that connection.

So, to have better relationships I try to be very aware of other people's body language and how they are speaking to me. If someone seems uncomfortable or is backing away from me, and this may be real or just my feeling, I will at once stop and back off, but sometimes I need to be told without subtlety to back off, which I will do and respect.

It also means being conscious of other people's space and time, and not crossing those boundaries without permission. It means being aware of how my words or actions might affect someone else and adjusting my behavior accordingly. I tend forget how important boundaries are and sometimes I get lost in the flurry of information and am unable to decipher the subtle or not so subtle cues people give off. This causes problems for me because people then end up feeling like I don't care about them or their feelings, which is not the case at all. I simply need more practice in reading people and fully understanding their boundaries.

Respecting personal boundaries is important to me because it allows me to have healthy and meaningful relationships with others. It shows that I respect and value someone else for who they are as a person, and not just for what they can do for me. It also allows me to be more aware of my own needs and limits, and to set boundaries of my own.

When I violate someone's boundaries, it’s like a breach of trust, and it makes future interactions difficult because that person may be hesitant to let me get close again. By respecting personal boundaries, I can build better relationships with the people around me, ones based on mutual trust and respect. One way that I have found to be helpful in recognizing personal boundaries is to simply ask the person what their boundaries are. This can be a little bit difficult, especially if you don't know the person all that well, but it can be very informative. You might be surprised at what people consider to be proper or not proper behavior. By asking, you are showing that you respect the other person and their boundaries and that you want to make sure that both of you are comfortable with the interaction.

I have also found it helpful to set personal boundaries for myself. I am very guarded with new people, and this can be tricky, as I don't want to seem unapproachable or that I don't want to interact with others. But by setting boundaries, I am showing myself that I respect my own needs and limits. This helps me in interactions with others, as they will know that there are some things that I am not comfortable with and will respect those boundaries. It also helps me to better understand others needs and limits and help me to communicate my needs to others.

It is important to respect other people's boundaries because it allows us to create healthy and meaningful relationships with others. So, try to be aware of how your words or actions might affect someone else, and adjust your behavior accordingly. This means being conscious of other people's space and time, and not crossing those boundaries without permission. It also means listening carefully to what someone is saying, both verbally and nonverbally, to understand their needs and preferences.

Do I always remember to follow this set of rules? No, I don't think anyone does. But I am constantly trying to be more aware of boundaries, both my own and others, and to show respect for those boundaries.

Say Sorry.

I epically messed up with a friend I care about a lot that I would very much like to apologize to, but he is not ready to hear it yet. In the weeks that have passed, I have realized an apology is a privilege that we are neither entitled to give nor have received. It is something that we have to be gracious with when we give one and receive one, it's like a gift. An apology is not a magical fix for everything, but it can be an important step in repairing a broken relationship.

Offering an apology has to be real, it has to be something that we feel in our hearts. And even if we do feel that way, there are other things we have to consider before extending that olive branch. Our words have to be chosen with care because an apology is a powerful thing. It can rebuild relationships, mend fences, and start fresh beginnings but it can also be rejected, and that can be just as damaging.

So how do we go about giving an apology that will mean something? And more importantly, how do we make sure that it is accepted? There is no one size fits all answer to this question, but there are a few things to keep in mind when extending an apology.

First, we need to take a look at ourselves and our motivations. Why are we apologizing? Is it because we genuinely feel bad about what we’ve done and want to make things right? Or are we doing it for other reasons? If our motivation is anything other than genuine remorse, then an apology is probably not the right thing to do.

Second, we need to take a look at the other person and their feelings. Is this person someone that we care about? Do they mean something to us? If the answer is yes, then we need to think about what we’re apologizing for. What did we do that made them upset? And more importantly, are we willing to listen to their side of the story and try to understand how they feel? If the answer is no, then maybe we shouldn’t apologize. Maybe we just need to stay away from that person until we can be genuine in our apology, and we need to be okay with the fact that the other person may not want to talk to us or may never want to speak to us again.

Third, timing is important. An apology should never be rushed, especially if it’s for something serious. We need to make sure that we have time to think about what we want to say and how we want to say it.

Fourth, an apology should be personal. We shouldn’t just send a generic message or post something on social media. We need to take the time to talk to the person face-to-face or on the phone. That way, they know that we’re serious about what we’re saying. An apology doesn’t fix everything overnight. It takes time and effort to rebuild a relationship that has been damaged.

Fifth, if we decide that an apology is the right thing to do, we need to make sure that it is genuine. We can’t just say the words “I’m sorry” and expect everything to be okay. We need to mean it. We also need to be prepared for the possibility that the apology might not be accepted and if the other person doesn’t feel like we’ve considered how they feel, or if they don’t believe that our apology is genuine, then there’s a good chance that it will be rejected.

And finally, we need to be patient. This is where I fall short. I want to rush through the steps, I want everything to be okay right away. But that’s not how it works. An apology is a process, it takes time and effort. We need to be prepared for there to be setbacks and for things to not go back to the way they were before.

The power of an apology should never be underestimated but it can also be an important step in repairing a broken relationship. In my case, I'm unsure if an apology will be sufficient to repair the damage that has been done, but I am hopeful that by taking these things into account, it will at least be a start.

As with most things in life, the key to a successful apology is balance. We need to be genuine in our remorse, but we also need to consider how the other person feels. We need to be patient and prepared for the possibility that our apology might not be accepted. And most importantly, we need to be prepared to put in the hard work required to rebuild the relationship.

Curious??

Being a naturally curious person, one of my favorite things to do is ask people about themselves. I love learning new things, and there's nothing I enjoy more than a good conversation. I like excavating people finding out what makes them tick, what are their passions in life, and what drives them. I think it's so interesting to see how everyone is unique, and I always enjoy getting a glimpse into someone else's world. What gave them their drive, was it a moment or person in their life?

Another one of my favorite questions to ask is "What's your favorite thing about yourself?" It's interesting to see the different responses that people give, and it's a great way to get to know someone. I've heard everything from "I'm a great listener" to "I have a great sense of humor." Everyone has something that they're proud of, and I think it's important to celebrate those things even the small things.

One thing I've learned from asking people about themselves is that everyone has a story. No matter who you are, or what you've been through, you have a unique perspective that can offer insight to others. I think it's so important to share your story, and I believe that every person has the power to make a difference in this world. We all have something special to offer, and it's up to us to share it with the world. That sharing may spark someone else's curiosity, and I hope that more and more people will start to share their stories. It's through those connections that we can start to make a difference in this world.

One topic that always sparks my curiosity is other people's career paths. How did they end up where they are today? What are the challenges they've faced along the way? And what advice would they give to someone just starting in their field? I find these types of stories so inspiring, and I love hearing about the different paths that people have taken to get where they are today.

I've found that there are a lot of different paths you can take to get where you want to be in your career. Some people follow their passion and figure out a way to make it work, while others take a more traditional route and study for years before finding their perfect job. There are no wrong answers, and the most important thing is to find what works best for you. I think it's important to remember that no one has a perfect career path. We all have setbacks and challenges that we have to face, but it's how we deal with those challenges that matter. We can't let our failures define us, but I think that curiosity is what makes us interested in the world around us, and people in our lives and it's what helps us connect with others.

Being curious got me to where I am today. It was part of the reason I went back to school, curiosity allowed me to fall in love, get married, get divorced, it's what led me to move to NYC, start my own business, and it's what keeps me going when things get tough. I'm always exploring new opportunities and trying new things because I want to learn as much as I can. And I think that curiosity is a quality that everyone should embrace. It's what makes us human, and it's what allows us to learn and grow.

I have always been drawn to this saying that got cut short and originally said: “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one." The popular interpretation of this statement is that if you have a wide range of interests but aren't an expert in anything, and it's a disadvantage. However, I like the full version because it suggests differently. If you are interested in many things and not good at any of them, that is not an ideal situation. However, if you are good at many things, you will be better than someone who is great at one thing but doesn't know anything else. This quote has always resonated with me because I believe it's important to be well-rounded. It's important to have a variety of interests, and it's something that has helped me throughout my career. I've never been content with just doing one thing, and I've always strived to learn as much as I can. I have learned cooking from being curious about how a kitchen is run and what is involved in preparing a meal. I have learned photography from being curious about how cameras work and the different techniques that can be used to capture a moment. And I have learned web development from being curious about how websites are built and how people interact with them. I love cars, I have never rebuilt an engine, replaced a transmission, or anything like that but I read about it, watch videos on it, and have a general understanding of how they work. I also know more about GMC Silverside Busses than one man should know. Curiosity fueled my drive to become a "jack of all trades", and I think it's a quality that makes us unique.

Curiosity has measurable health benefits. A study that was done by the University of California, San Diego, School of Medicine showed that curiosity may help protect your brain from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. The study found that people who were more curious and engaged in life had less memory decline and brain atrophy as they age. Nurturing curiosity may help keep your brain healthy as you age. This study is important because it shows that curiosity has tangible benefits for our health. It's not just a personality trait, it's something that can help protect our brains from diseases like Alzheimer's. This is something that we should all be aware of, and it's another reason to embrace our curiosity.

Curiosity has also been shown to improve mental health overall. A study that was published in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that people who are curious tend to be happier and more satisfied with their lives. They also had higher self-esteem and were less likely to experience anxiety or depression. This is another important discovery, because it shows that curiosity not only has benefits for our mental health, but it can also improve our overall happiness. When we are curious and engaged in life, we tend to be happier and more satisfied with ourselves.

At some point we have all heard "Curiosity killed the cat" but the adage goes: "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." The whole phrase says that there is no such thing as too many questions or being too curious. This is especially true when it comes to your career. Curiosity is important because it allows us to explore opportunities and try new things, have new friendships personally and professionally, and search out new ways of living life.

The bottom line is that curiosity has helped me become a better person.

Curiosity is the engine that drives me.

Plato wrote

Plato wrote "So ancient is the desire for one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of man." My interpretation is that friendship, therefore, is a kind of medicine for the soul. It is a way of repairing the rift that exists within each one of us.

We all have a natural desire for human connection. Developing meaningful friendships is one method of meeting that need. It may aid in the healing of the rift and there is no greater meaning in life than connecting on a deep and honest level with others.

This is a sentiment that is echoed by many other philosophers throughout history. Friendship is seen as a way to make up for the deficiencies in our own lives. It is a way to find companionship and to feel connected to others. This can be incredibly important, especially in times of loneliness or isolation. When we are friends with someone, we open our hearts to them. We share our thoughts and feelings with them, and we allow them to see the best and the worst of us. We trust them completely and we hope that they will always be there for us.

Friendship is also seen as a way to improve our own lives. By sharing our thoughts and feelings with others, we can learn more about ourselves. We can also develop deeper and more meaningful relationships. This can make us happier and more content with our lives. Ultimately, friendship is one of the most important things in life. It can help us to overcome the struggles we face, and it can make us happier and more fulfilled.

Friendships will also help us when we are going through a difficult period, as our friends are there to provide comfort and encouragement. They can help us in getting over bad times and making the most of poor circumstances.

Of course, friendship is not perfect. There can be disagreements and misunderstandings. But overall, friendship is a positive force in our lives. It can make us happier and more contented, and it can help us to feel like we are a part of something larger than ourselves.

Friendship is a precious gift that deserves to be treated with care. We are giving someone a piece of our heart when we become friends with them. It's important not to take it for granted. Friendships may be painful to lose, but it is vital to keep in mind that they will always be part of our lives. They've. left an indelible mark on who we are.

For these reasons, friendship is worth celebrating.

audacity

I have a saying I like , “Audacity is the cornerstone of creative design and original thought.” Audacity is the perfect tool. With it, you can create anything you can imagine. It is the first step on the long journey to realizing dreams.

But what is audacity? It is defines as "boldness or daring". And that is exactly what it is. Audacity is about being brave enough to do what others say cannot be done. It is having the courage to stand up and be counted.

And it is not only for the fearless few. Everyone can tap into their audacity and use it to achieve great things. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. All that matters is what you are willing to do.

There are many reasons why audacity is so popular. Firstly, it is free and easy to use. It also has a huge range of features which means that it can be used for a wide variety of tasks. Being audacious can help you to be more creative and expressive in your work. Whether you are an artist, musician, podcaster, journalist or just someone who wants to create a funny voice, audacity is the perfect tool for you.

In addition to its features, audacity also has a very active user community. This means that you can find other audacious people to collaborate with, learn from and share tips and tricks. Audacity is the perfect tool for anyone who wants to be creative and expressive in their work.

So what are you waiting for?

Tap into some audacity today!

growth

growth

I grew up with an abusive father and that experience has led me to have fairly complicated relationships with the men in my life. As a result, I am fussy but easily open to getting into serious relationships, and when I do, I dive in headfirst not considering the actual depth of what I’m diving into. I’ve been lucky that when I do find relationships that can accept me for all of my quirks, oddities, and faults, they still love me anyway, and that makes me a very happy man. I am very loyal in a relationship, and I would do anything for the person that I care about. I am very enthusiastic, and I put my whole heart into everything that I do.

I have been in three serious relationships and twice I was the one who ended it. The first time, I was young and didn't know what I wanted. The second time, I was in a relationship with a wonderful person that was just not a good fit. I stayed in that relationship for too long just because I didn't want to be alone.

But I always live with the fear of never knowing how long love will last, whether or not I’ll be abandoned on the side of a road or have to worry if a situation will lead to hands being thrown or if my worth and value will be questioned or even ridiculed or when love and affection are going to be withheld for some minor transgression. These were the lessons that were passed down to me from my father.

It’s not easy breaking the cycle and unlearning what you’ve learned as a child. It’s not easy being a good role model for yourself especially when you never really had one for yourself. But it is possible, and it starts with recognizing the patterns that we fall into and making a conscious effort to break them. One day, maybe, I will be able to break the cycle for good. But until then, I will continue to try my best, even when I stumble, because that is what strong people do, they get back up, no matter how many times they fall, and they keep moving forward, always looking out for and still there to pick up the ones around them.

These complications also cause a tremendous amount of anxiety, when you grow up living with the unknown and a volatile element, apologizing becomes second nature almost instinctual, an obsessive and compulsive desire to fix things just so that you can feel loved again. I know that I am not alone in this. There are so many other people out there who have dealt with or are currently dealing with similar issues. When you have that anxiety, there is a voice in your head that is constantly berating you, constantly telling you that you are not good enough, that you are worthless. That voice can be incredibly loud, and it can be incredibly difficult to drown it out. But you can do it, you can drown out that voice by replacing it with the voices of the people who love you. The people who believe in you.

The obsessive need to apologize is closely tied to self-preservation. It is a way of trying to take back control of a situation that feels out of control. It is a way of trying to ensure that you will not be abandoned, that you will not be rejected. It is a way of trying to make sure that you are still loved and accepted. But it is also a way of denying yourself the chance to be happy. It is a way of denying yourself the chance to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

It is time to let go of that compulsive need to apologize. It is time to stop trying to fix things that are broken. It is time to start living for yourself, and only yourself. It is time for the love that you have to offer to be accepted, instead of it being rejected out of fear.

These behavior patterns lead me into situations where I did not want to be who I was, to not be the name I was given, to not have the history I had lived, I wanted to be anybody other than who I was, all I wanted to do was escape into a fantasy of my choosing, a life I wish I had, instead of living the life I had. That fantasy life becomes a way to cope with the pain, to try and make sense of the senseless, to try and find a way to heal when the damage seems irreparable. To try and find hope in a life that sometimes feels like it's nothing but darkness.

I have always thought the people who have been hurt the most are often the ones who can love the most deeply. They understand pain in a way that others do not. They understand what it means to be vulnerable, and they are not afraid to show their vulnerabilities to the world. These people have been hurt by the world and their circumstances, but they have also learned how to give and receive love in a way that others cannot. They understand that love is not about perfection, it is about making mistakes and learning from them. They know that love is not about getting what you want, it is about unconditionally giving of yourself to someone else.

 And that is why I am writing this. I want people to understand that just because someone has dealt with or is currently dealing with difficult situations, it does not mean that they are weak. It does not mean that they are damaged goods. It means that they are survivors. It means that they are fighters.

So, if you are reading this and you feel like you are alone, or you feel like you are the only one who is struggling, I want you to know that you are not. You are not alone. There are people out there who love and support you, are there for you and will help you get through this.

I swore to myself that I would never be the man that my father is or was to me. I most certainly am not. As I get older, I see increasingly my father in the mirror. It's just a physical resemblance, but it’s a reminder of who I am, not who he is. My father was a sad, confused man who may not have been the best man he could have been, but that doesn't mean I have to be like him. I'm not going to let his past dictate my future. I have worked hard to create the life I want for myself, and I refuse to let anyone, or anything take that away from me. I am my own person, with my own hopes, dreams, and aspirations. And I will never give up on them, no matter what life throws my way.

I may not have had the best role model to look up to, but I am determined to be a good one for my own children someday. I will teach them about strength, resilience, and courage. And I will show them that they can be whoever they want to be, no matter what life throws at them.

Even with the best of intentions, there are times when I find myself slipping back into those old ways, ways that I swore I would never go back to. I am human and I make mistakes. The key is learning from them and moving forward. I have to give some credit to the complications of life; they have led me to where I am today. A place of strength and I am at ease with my vulnerability. A place where I can love openly and freely, but I still deal with the fear of being hurt and the fear of rejection. I’m at a place where I can be myself, flaws and all. And I am grateful for that.

For a very long time, I thought that my fate was to never feel unconditional love. That this is how it was supposed to be and that I couldn’t escape it. That the love I have to give was never going to be reciprocated or made to feel safe to do so. It wasn’t until I started working on myself and learning about my history and patterns did, I realize that this was not something that was happening to me but something that I had chosen.

I had chosen to be someone who I wasn't, who always tried to make things right regardless of the situation. Who always apologized for things they couldn’t control, but most importantly, I had chosen to be someone who believed that I was not worth fighting for that I was not worth saving.

But that is not who I am anymore. I know that I am worth fighting for. I know that I am worth saving. And most importantly, I know that I deserve to be loved and to be in a healthy relationship. One where my needs are considered and met and one where both parties feel safe and loved.

I have found that the best way to deal with this is to accept myself for who I am, to love myself, and to know that I am worthy of being loved. RuPaul says it best" If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” Truer words have not been spoken.

I also remind myself that I am not my father and that I will never be like him, and that love does not come with strings attached or is used as a weapon for emotional manipulation. I know that I deserve better than the horrible lessons he taught me and that I created a life for myself that is based on my values and beliefs, not his.

So, there is always hope. You can find happiness and love if you are willing to fight for it. It may not be easy, but it is worth it. I know this because I have been through the darkness, and I have emerged on the other side, stronger and more resilient than ever before.

So don’t give up.

Don’t give in to the darkness.

Fight for your happiness and your peace of mind.

It is worth it.

I promise you that it is worth it.

fuck some money

go f*** some money 

In uncertain times its best to focus on yourself and your career and your money-making opportunities. Be aware of the big picture. Don’t be blind or ignorant to what's going on around you, don't dwell on it every day either, it only makes things worse. 

Set daily goals for yourself and learn to accomplish them. Polish your skills and talents so you can maximize these opportunities when they arise in the future. Remember that in times like these, things change fast, and you have to keep up in order to succeed in whatever endeavor it is you want to succeed at [work, art, life]. 

Martyrdom does not pay bills or help others when they need it most. So, think carefully about how your actions will affect others around you before taking any steps that could possibly be construed as "martyring" yourself out on a limb just for attention from friends. 

Stay close to people who care about your wellbeing, but don't use them as a crutch or sounding board for problems that are only marginally their business. Keep them informed on what's going on with you but be aware of how much information is too much at any given time...it’s very easy to slip into self-gratuitous pity party mode when confiding in others and shutting out all reason and logic. If they want to help, then they will offer advice or suggestions. If you don't like what they say then take it with a grain of salt and ignore it or use it as a tool for finding your own answers, but don't fall apart emotionally because the person you were talking to didn't give you want you wanted to hear. 

Stay positive and keep yourself busy with productive work. That's what's going to get you through this time in your life where you have no idea what's going on next...don’t think about how scary that is just yet, deal with one day at a time and one step at a time toward the future. There will always be rough times ahead so expect them and plan for them...but never let them define who you are as a person. Don't look for sympathy, don’t obsess about what's going on in the world around you. Stick to your guns on what you know is right for yourself and others who need help or assistance that only you can provide them with. 

When I say go f*** some money, I don’t mean it literally, but mean it in a way that will steer and redirect your focus from distractions. The more distractions you have, the less productive you will be. I'm not even talking about items in your house, or fun things to do. What I am talking about are personal or professional goals that otherwise just suck away energy and time. We all want to make more money, right? I know that if you are like me, you spend some time thinking about how it would be nice to get rid of debt. We usually think about the stuff we want for example "I wish I had a new car." or "If only I could drop ten pounds" (Ughhh. this is my problem) 

The whole point of visualization is to take what you want and make it real. If your goals are not specific enough, they will remain elusive; they will keep out of reach. For example, when setting New Year resolutions people say things like “I want to lose weight." This is too vague. A better goal would be "By March 31st, I will lose 30 pounds”. You should be able to visualize your goal. You should know exactly what you want. This way every other distraction is out of the way, and you are focused on one thing, your goal. 

Every day, think about your goal for five minutes before leaving work or before going to bed. It's that simple! Think about it. Visualize it. That’s all. Five minutes a day?? Do you have nothing better to do? Do you need five minutes?? I think that’s actually pretty good, because if you don’t spend the first 5-10 minutes of your day thinking about what’s really important to you, you will squander away time doing busy work that only stalls progress toward achieving you. The more time you waste doing things that are not important, the more opportunities you have of never reaching your goals. 

Stop for a second and think about what you do every day. How many hours did you spend browsing social media? How many minutes did you spend on entertainment news sites? I bet the numbers are pretty high considering we only work 8 hours a day. 

The next time you get that urge to check your FB or Tumblr, I want you to hold off and ask yourself: "Is this really important?” If it's not, and it’s just wasting your time; walk away from it! Your five minutes is more important than checking for some new mew Kardashian scandal. If it is something that could potentially lead to stumbling upon something productive or informative like an article on personal development or maybe even watching a TED talk, go ahead if it won't take more than ten minutes. 

If you are not setting goals for yourself, you are missing some serious personal development. We all need goals, even if ours are simple or simple minded. If your boss gives you a goal ..., do it! That’s just being responsible at work. Everyone is expected to have objectives. They may not be labeled as "goals,” but they are still yours to accomplish regardless of what they think about them. 

The difference between goals and dreams is that "Goals" tend to have a time limit. Everyone is different but you should set your goals depending on your age and current situation. Other factors that might play into your decision are, how much money you have, and how many responsibilities you have (Work, family etc.). This is when personal finance comes in handy. If you knew exactly how much money you had coming in every month; it would be easier for you to determine whether or not what you want is realistic. 

Once again, I’ll say this only one last time …GO FUCK SOME MONEY! 

accountability

We have the freedom to choose whatever life we want to live but that does not absolve us of the consequences of those choices. We must take responsibility for our actions and not be so quick to blame others. We are accountable for our choices, not others. Like all people, I have made bad choices in my lifetime, and am still making them. Or I should say that I make some “not-so-good” choices. 

There is a critical point with choices made, and here it is very important to distinguish between accountability and consequences of choices. Accountability is about accepting responsibility for actions taken or words that were spoken, while consequences are what happen because of our decisions. Accountability does not mean that we are automatically entitled to or guaranteed a consequence-free life. Accountability is about being an adult and taking responsibility for our actions, whereas consequences are what happens because of our bad choices. 

I have had a lot of time to think while living in the country in the Hudson Valley over the past few years. One of the things that has been on my mind is how we sometimes try to blame others for our bad choices and then expect something good to come from doing so. It is like we are trying to get short-term satisfaction by feeling morally superior while at the same time we are also trying to escape the consequences of our bad choices.  

We are all pretty much adults, and we know what to expect when we do something not so good. We expect consequences, and the bigger the decision the higher percentage of risks there are for negative consequences. It is part of life. And while getting caught is always possibility, it does not mean that you will get away with your injurious behavior. 

 Accountability and consequences go together, but we often want to believe we can have it both ways: assume accountability for our actions while at the same time expecting no negative consequences from them. That is like trying to get a free lunch!  

The more I sit in the country and think about my past, it becomes apparent that I have been trying to get a free lunch. I try and assume accountability whenever I think it will benefit me in some way, but then I also expect nothing bad to come from my behavior.  

In all this, there is another critical point: An apology being offered for what has been done, is not an excuse. It is a way of accepting responsibility while at the same time making amends for your behavior. The reason people sometimes give excuses is to try and escape the consequences of their behavior. And while you will get no argument from me about how people can be "evil" (yes, I do believe such a thing exists), bad behavior results from the lack of self-control and self-discipline that we all possess. And even when we recognize our mistakes and try to correct them through an apology, there are consequences for those actions too. An apology does not guarantee that the person you have offended will accept it or forgive you. 

The biggest problem with apologies is that they often do not address the consequences of our behavior, and this brings us back to the question of accountability versus consequences. So, whether you truly are sorry or not, apologizing does not mean that you are entitled to anything other than what is deserved by your words and actions. If I am going to learn anything from all this then it must start by not repeating the same mistakes over again. 

I am not saying that I will always make good choices, but at least now I am going to be responsible for my own life. It is a process, one where I try and admit when I make mistakes, then accept responsibility for them, apologize and live with the consequences. 

Finally, here is a tip if you want to avoid consequences: Don't make choices that will result in them! 

being alone

I never really understood the need for alone time until I was married. For a lot of my life, I have been a person who has enjoyed being around others. Before my husband and I married, we talked about the fact that we both liked being social creatures, so there would not be any need for alone time in our lives. HA! This was something I should have listed in my vows when we got married: "I promise to never interfere with your alone time, and I give you permission to have the same for me." 

However, when we moved to NYC, we had no friends, no social network per se and we were around each other 24/7 in a small 1-bedroom apartment. There indeed were many days I went out by myself and did things on my own. We both had a challenging time adjusting to being around each other all the time. However, even if we were not physically together all day long, we were mentally together: planning what we would do, deciding what to eat, how to decorate our new apartment etc.  

At some point, it felt like we were just living together rather than being married. We started fighting about our needs for alone time because now, our need for social interaction was introduced to the relationship. At some point, one of us would step back and say, " I need alone time,” but we could not understand why this time alone request made us feel abandoned or distant from each other. At some point, it finally dawned on me that this was my new life. Just because I got married did not mean I did not need time alone to recharge. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I envied all the times I had "privacy" in my life, I realized how much it meant to me. Whether it was spending an hour by myself watching tv or reading a book, taking long lunch breaks at work, or having long-haul flights across the country, I realized how much I craved alone time. 

When we split it was devastating? It was the most painful experience I have ever had because it affected not only my immediate family but also our friends. But after several months of having to go through this process, and the immediate nature of having alone time forced on me, something amazing happened: I realized I was a stronger person. And not only that, but I also learned how to be comfortable alone and not feel guilty about it. 

I oftentimes think about what my life would be like if I had never gotten divorced. Would I still crave the alone time? Or would this desire for aloneness fade away as we got older and more tired physically and mentally? Would we have drifted apart? I do not know the answers to these questions. But what I do know is that I think our need for alone time would have eventually come up because it is human nature. We all need space, whether we are single or married! 

I was not afraid of needing to be alone anymore or even saying "I can't function around others because I need time to recharge every once in a while". It was such an empowering realization, and it has forever changed my life. I have realized that alone time is an extremely important part of my life. It lets me relax, think about things, get creative or just do whatever it is I want to do without having to answer to anyone else. 

We should never feel guilty for needing time to ourselves, whether we are married or not. We all have a certain amount of energy we need to maintain daily. It is up to us if we want to spend this energy with other people or alone, watching TV, reading a book, going for a walk or my favorite, writing. 

However, I understand that it takes time to adjust to the fact that you need alone time just as much as your partner does. One day they will read this article and realize how important it is for both of you to have alone time. It is up to us if we want our relationship to succeed or fail, so choose wisely. 

I have learned to communicate my need for alone time in a way that does not make me feel guilty or my partner feel abandoned. I also know when I should spend the day with my partner or friends and when we should go our separate ways. Having alone time can be extremely healthy and empowering and at some point, you will feel the need to do it and not feel guilty at all. 

I would like you all to remember this: "It's okay to need alone time" if someone does not give it to you, get it for yourself. You will be a better person because of it.  

guilt

Guilt 

Guilt is the feeling that you've done something wrong or made a mistake. Guilt can be useful in making people feel bad about their mistakes so they try to change their behavior, but it can also be used as a way of shifting guilt on to other people. For example, if someone spends more than they earn and cannot afford to buy food for their family, they feel guilty. But if their partner spends too much money on clothes and tells them they can't afford to buy food, they may feel angry with their partner rather than guilt about the situation. 

Guilt is powerful when it's based on empathy; seeing things from another person's perspective and feeling how they must be feeling. If you feel guilty when your partner tells you they are stressed, for example, then that's because you can empathize with them and see how they might be feeling. You don't have to do anything to help them or change the situation but just knowing how they feel makes you want to reach out and support them. Guilt can also be used to manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do. For example, you feel guilty because your partner is stressed about work, so you agree to give up your job so that they don't have to worry anymore. In this situation, your partner has used guilt to get you to do what they want. This manipulation makes it hard for relationships because you can't rely on people feeling guilty about what's important. Sometimes, the person who does the most might feel the least guilty and so there is imbalance in how much concern each partner has for helping one another. But if one person always feels guilty about their actions, they will feel resentful because it makes them feel too responsible for the problems in the relationship. If guilt is used to manipulate you into doing things that are not in your best interest, then it's not a good feeling. 

So, guilt can be good when it encourages us to empathize with other people and take their needs into account. But it can be bad when we use it to manipulate other people to do things they don't really want to do or feel responsible for things that aren't their fault. 

You may also feel guilty when you do not meet your own expectations, which can increase your feelings of stress and anxiety. For example, if you are giving a presentation at work but forget some important information you were going to say, you may feel guilty even though it was an accident, and nobody noticed. 

Guilt is a very common feeling, but it is not always appropriate. If you feel guilty about something, it's important to understand why you are feeling that way and how you can deal with your guilt. Talking with a loved one can help you to gain some perspective and work through the way you feel.