what defines us

What defines us? Does our past define us? Do judgments by others? Or does our lowest moment define us? Does context play a role?

These are some of the questions that I have been thinking about lately. I believe that the answer to all of these questions is no, no, no and yes. Our past and our lowest moments all play a role in shaping us as individuals, but they are not the definition of who we are. What defines us is our capacity to love, forgive, and learn from our mistakes and wrongdoings. Others' judgments are subjective opinion and should never be taken as gospel. As for context, it does play a role but only insofar as it provides us with insight to the experiences.

So, if our past, lowest moments and the judgments by others do not define us, what does? I believe that we are defined by our present actions. Our core values, the choices we make and the things we do (or don't do) in our lives are what define us as individuals. Are we kind? Are we helpful? Do we stand up for what we believe in? Do we fight for the rights of others? Do we try to make the world a better place? These are the things that define us as human beings.

What defines us as individuals is this continuous journey that we take. We are always growing and evolving, so it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes us who we are. Does one moment or one experience define you as a person? Or is it the sum of all of your experiences that make you who you are. I think the important thing to remember is that we are constantly evolving and the definition of who we are changes over time. We can redefine ourselves in as many ways and as many times as we wish - there is no right or wrong answer. So, what defines you? Whatever it is ,you ought to stay true to yourself and live a life that is authentic and fulfilling.

So, if this continuous journey that we are on, and the experiences and decisions that we make today are what define us as people, then it's important to make sure that we are making the right decisions and having good experiences. We want to be making decisions that are in line with our values and will help bring us closer to our goals and dreams. It's not always easy to make the right decisions, but with a little bit of effort and determination, we can do it. So, start. But we make mistakes. We all make them, it’s inevitable. What’s important is that we don’t continue making the same ones over and over again. Unfortunately, some never learn from their mistakes and they continue making them throughout their lives. This can lead to a lot of pain and suffering, not just for the person making the mistakes but also, for those around them.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, and I’m sure I will make more in the future. But that doesn’t bother me because I know that they carry experience with them and I'll grow as a person. So as long as we are willing to learn from our mistakes, we can always move forward and improve our lives. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes because it is through making them that we become the best version of ourselves. However, your mistakes don't define you, but the way you deal with them just might.

The fact that we are always growing and changing, means I'm not the same person I was when I was in my teens or 20's or 30’s, AND good god I wouldn't want to be. My core values have evolved, my thoughts are different, and I have a different perspective on life in general based on the experiences I've had, both good and bad. I can't be defined by one moment or one experience, it's the sum of everything that makes me who I am.

What’s exciting is that we have the ability to redefine ourselves in as many ways and as many times as we wish - there is no right, or wrong way just ask Lady Gaga. The key is to stay true to yourself and live a life so that it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes you who you are. Do you want one moment or experience to define you as a person? Or do you want all of your experiences that make you who you are to?

I used to think of myself as a shy person. However, through my experiences over the years, I have become more confident and now I would say that I am an introverted people person. I used to think that I was a terrible cook, but now I enjoy and am good at cooking and baking for my family and friends. I used to think that I wasn't good at sports, but I played rugby and I go to the gym 6 days a week. I used to think I was a cowboy complete with boots and a big hat and a horse named Maddison. So, as I said before, it's up to you to decide what defines you. You can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. Just make sure that it is authentic to who you are and that it makes you happy. Don't let anyone else determine your identity for you - that's your job.

Thankfully we are always changing, so it is impossible to determine one single thing that makes us who we are. The thing to remember is that these are just a few examples of how I have changed myself over time. Since it is up to you to determine what defines you, no one else can take your personal inventory and pass judgment. Remember this because it can be easy to get stuck in our past and others' past interpretations of us and let others' judgments of that past version of us define us. We are not static beings, so, if you don't like who you are right now, that's okay! Just keep going on your journey and you will eventually get to where you want to be.

My lowest moment has played a role in shaping who I am today, but it is not what defines me. I am also defined by my positive experiences and how I have chosen to learn and grow from them. So, while my lowest moment is a part of my story, it is not the whole story. And that’s okay. The lowest moment of my life was when I lost my business in 2003. It was a very difficult time for me, but I learned a lot from it, and it made me stronger. I am now more resilient and have a better understanding of what I want in life. So, while that experience was tough, it also helped me to grow as a person. Did people get hurt along the way? Yes, but I learned from my mistakes, I made amends and am better because of it. That business failure did not define me as a failure, it was just a low moment that I recovered from and moved on. I attempted something that 99% of the population would never try, so to me, it was still a monumental success. This is not to say that we should forget our past, or try to bury it, it is important to remember our past experiences, both good and bad and honor them because they have made us who we are. But we don't have to let them define us.

Context does play a role in defining who we are. Context is needed when you tell your story so people can understand the present version of you. Context is the environment in which your experience is situated or exists. It helps to give meaning to our experiences. Context is shaped by our family, friends, culture, society, and our past, our lowest moments, and in some cases, our dreams. So, context is important but you have the power to choose how those experiences will shape you.

So, for example, I am Canadian, and I grew up as a gay boy in a small town and now I live in NY. So, my experiences are different from someone who grew up in a big city or someone who is not gay. I have a major depressive disorder, so that is a part of who I am, but it is not the only thing that defines me. I was sexually assaulted when I was 17, does that define me as a victim? No, it does not. I was an addict, but am I always going to be one? Some would say yes, but I say no. That past does not define me, it just shaped me, and the decisions and choices I make today are what define me. That being said, context plays a role, we all have unique experiences and it is important to have a sense of where we come from and our ties to our cultural heritage because it shaped who we are, however, but we don't have to be limited by our context.

Now, let's recap, shall we? I define myself as a kind-hearted, compassionate, and loving, resilient, strong, caring, and generous man who is always evolving. I am defined by my willingness to face my fears, admit when I'm wrong, give and accept apologies with grace, giving the benefit of the doubt and continue my commitment to living my best life.

We are not defined by our past, our lowest moments, or by the subjective opinions and judgments of others, we are defined by our journey and the decisions that we make today. It is how we choose to see the world and how we react to what life throws at us that defines us.

So, choose wisely and react intelligently and be the best person you can be.