Say Sorry.
I epically messed up with a friend I care about a lot that I would very much like to apologize to, but he is not ready to hear it yet. In the weeks that have passed, I have realized an apology is a privilege that we are neither entitled to give nor have received. It is something that we have to be gracious with when we give one and receive one, it's like a gift. An apology is not a magical fix for everything, but it can be an important step in repairing a broken relationship.
Offering an apology has to be real, it has to be something that we feel in our hearts. And even if we do feel that way, there are other things we have to consider before extending that olive branch. Our words have to be chosen with care because an apology is a powerful thing. It can rebuild relationships, mend fences, and start fresh beginnings but it can also be rejected, and that can be just as damaging.
So how do we go about giving an apology that will mean something? And more importantly, how do we make sure that it is accepted? There is no one size fits all answer to this question, but there are a few things to keep in mind when extending an apology.
First, we need to take a look at ourselves and our motivations. Why are we apologizing? Is it because we genuinely feel bad about what we’ve done and want to make things right? Or are we doing it for other reasons? If our motivation is anything other than genuine remorse, then an apology is probably not the right thing to do.
Second, we need to take a look at the other person and their feelings. Is this person someone that we care about? Do they mean something to us? If the answer is yes, then we need to think about what we’re apologizing for. What did we do that made them upset? And more importantly, are we willing to listen to their side of the story and try to understand how they feel? If the answer is no, then maybe we shouldn’t apologize. Maybe we just need to stay away from that person until we can be genuine in our apology, and we need to be okay with the fact that the other person may not want to talk to us or may never want to speak to us again.
Third, timing is important. An apology should never be rushed, especially if it’s for something serious. We need to make sure that we have time to think about what we want to say and how we want to say it.
Fourth, an apology should be personal. We shouldn’t just send a generic message or post something on social media. We need to take the time to talk to the person face-to-face or on the phone. That way, they know that we’re serious about what we’re saying. An apology doesn’t fix everything overnight. It takes time and effort to rebuild a relationship that has been damaged.
Fifth, if we decide that an apology is the right thing to do, we need to make sure that it is genuine. We can’t just say the words “I’m sorry” and expect everything to be okay. We need to mean it. We also need to be prepared for the possibility that the apology might not be accepted and if the other person doesn’t feel like we’ve considered how they feel, or if they don’t believe that our apology is genuine, then there’s a good chance that it will be rejected.
And finally, we need to be patient. This is where I fall short. I want to rush through the steps, I want everything to be okay right away. But that’s not how it works. An apology is a process, it takes time and effort. We need to be prepared for there to be setbacks and for things to not go back to the way they were before.
The power of an apology should never be underestimated but it can also be an important step in repairing a broken relationship. In my case, I'm unsure if an apology will be sufficient to repair the damage that has been done, but I am hopeful that by taking these things into account, it will at least be a start.
As with most things in life, the key to a successful apology is balance. We need to be genuine in our remorse, but we also need to consider how the other person feels. We need to be patient and prepared for the possibility that our apology might not be accepted. And most importantly, we need to be prepared to put in the hard work required to rebuild the relationship.
