Success

success

I have an insatiable need to succeed at everything I do. That may sound like a good thing, and in most respects it is. But some of my endeavors were not exactly positive for me or anyone else involved. But That need to succeed was not something in me naturally, it was not innate to my being. I can point to a single moment when it was created. Before I went back to school to get my degree in Interior design, a very good man told me that I was a great friend but was too unstable to date. It stung, but that lit a fire in me that is still burning today.

I decided that I was going to graduate from a decent design school and nothing was going to stop me. For the next few years, I threw myself into my studies with a vehemence that left little time for anything else. It wasn't easy, but I persevered through an entire degree without ever calling in sick or missing a class. I was fully vested in the process and my need for success burned so brightly that I could not imagine any other outcome than graduation day.

My drive to succeed became an addiction. Back then it seemed like everything else in my life took a backseat to this one goal, but now I look at it and realize that all of the efforts were worth it. No one told me what to do with my degree, there were no defined courses of action for a guy in interior design. So I did what was best for me, and did what no one else was doing, I specialized in lighting ,and I got a job working at a new lighting agency with one of the best in the industry and the best mentors I've had.

I was new to the agency and the owner, but everyone already knew who I was, the owner hired me and had put me on retainer three months before I graduated, three months before that, he offered me the position, I was six months away from graduation and not willing to sacrifice completing my studies and graduating. I turned him down, I told the owner that I was not ready yet. He was pretty surprised but promised to call me in three months, he did, to the day, and I accepted the job.

I was in a fantastic position and I was working side by side with the best in the industry for almost 10 years, that opportunity and education is what led me to where I am today. Success stemmed from pride and ownership of my work, I was part of something greater than myself and I was going to make it work. The need for success led me on a road of personal development and self-actualization, a journey that yielded some incredible results.

My drive to succeed is something that has never left me, no matter the task I have always pushed myself harder than anyone else around me, but now my drive comes from a different place. It stems from good habits and an understanding of what it takes to be successful in your field. So while I am still on the quest for success it is done with reverence and respect that I did not have when I was younger. I have more wisdom, I am better at what I'm doing, and I know the steps to success.

My drive to succeed is no longer an addiction but rather a tool, one that can be used for good or ill. One that can push me on when others give up or one that could cause harm if used carelessly. We are all born with the ability to create needs within ourselves, you can use this need for success in whatever manner you see fit. If you are looking for a way to live up to your full potential I suggest using it responsibly.

I've become a better man from my need for success. It's been almost 25 years since that day when an angel told me I was too unstable to date, and it's been almost 8 years since I left that agency. My need for success is still with me and I am grateful to the angel who told me what he did, but now I know that my drive and will to succeed makes me better.

I was never popular in school. I had friends but never felt that anyone ever really wanted to be seen with me. I never felt attractive, I always wore glasses and my skin was bad, my clothes were acceptable at times garish, and I spent most of my time trying to escape my circumstances in fantasy rather than socializing. I was not a good student, I graduated later but it was a small miracle. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and really didn't have the self-awareness to know that about myself.

I play hard and I love hard. It's also true that I sometimes go to extremes to accomplish my goals and dreams. I typically tell someone I love them first, and when they don't return the gesture I'm often left heartbroken. It does not deter me, I have developed a thick skin where my heart is concerned. But it's not easy, so many times I wanted to give up, but the need for success was something that kept me going through these hard years. The need for success in love was born out of pain and insecurity. It has led me on a path of personal development and while I'm still searching for love it is done with respect.

Success found its way into my love life, just as I found it in my work life. My need for success led me down paths that may not have been best for me but they all made me better, now I live with the memories of those roads and try to make them better ones, this is how I honor my past. I have to be successful in my love life, I try hard, sometimes too hard, sometimes not hard enough but I know the effort is always worth it. When I love, I love hard and will do whatever I must, to make things work, so I have no regrets.

My life is full of success and it's because I was willing to do whatever it took, to be whatever it took for me. You have to understand that being your best self will bring the greatest rewards in life, you must try harder than everyone else, but be persistent and patient, if you don't get it right the first time, try again.

My journey to get here was not an easy road. My need for success saw me through the hard times, it directed my focus on what was important and what mattered most. It gave me passion in a world where no one cares.

Now, instead of obsessing over success or using it as fuel to accomplish great things, I see my need for success as a friend who is always there with the right advice at the right time, an angel guiding me towards where I'm supposed to be.

Time can not be reversed or unwritten, but when looking back at my life I feel like time is a malleable thing, and anything can be changed if you are willing to give up something. I gave up the fantasy, the laziness, the entitlement, the lies, and the glamour of my youth for something real, for something true. I gave up the need to be someone else which is another thing altogether. My need for success today is different from what it was then, now I use it with an understanding of who I am and what I want. And for that, I am grateful.

And so my journey continues, with all of its bumps and curves I press on until the end. Because what's the point in doing this life thing if you can't be happy? If your days are not filled with light and wonderment then is there any point to this existence?

listen, don’t hear

I don’t just hear you, Now I’m listening

I can talk, I am comfortable public speaking, and can talk a lot and rarely at a loss for words. I need to talk less and listen more because my issue is my inability to hear people, or more so listen to what they are saying and fully understand them and their intent. I will nod and smile, but not hear anything other than what will fit into my imagined narrative. This has caused me to miss important information or not be able to fully understand a conversation. I need to focus on the person speaking, instead of trying to think of what I am going to say next.

I tend to hear what I want to hear because of the fuzzy gauzed lens of my desires, judgments, and preconceived notions. I need to clean that lens and listen with fresh ears, an open mind, and heart so that I can understand the person speaking for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

Listening intently means that not only am I paying attention to the words that are being spoken, but also the tone, volume, and energy of the person speaking. It means that I am making a conscious effort to understand their entire message, not just the bits and pieces that fit into my worldview. I'm working on it, but it's a process.

When I truly listen to someone, I am committing to fully understanding them, even if I don’t agree with them. I am giving them my undivided attention and showing them that I respect their opinion enough to hear them out. It takes practice, but the rewards are worth it.

Truly listening to someone is one of the most important things I can do for myself and others. When I am actually listening, I am opening up my heart and mind to understand another person on a deeper level. I am showing that I care about what they have to say and that I want to build a connection with them.

Listening is also a powerful way to communicate my feelings and thoughts. When I take the time to listen to someone else, they feel heard and understood, which builds trust and strengthens the connection between us. I can then use that connection as a foundation to share my own experiences and feelings, knowing that I will be listened to.

I need to be able to listen better to others because it allows me to better understand them and their point of view. It also helps me build better relationships with the people around me. Listening is an essential skill that everyone should improve.

So how can you become a better listener? The first step is to be aware of your listening habits. Are you always thinking about what you're going to say next, or are you zoning out? Are you only listening to respond, or are you truly trying to understand the other person's point of view? Once you are aware of your listening habits, you can change them.

Here are some tips for becoming a better listener:

1. Be present. When you're talking to someone, make sure you're focused on them and not on anything else. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and make eye contact.

2. Listen with your ears and your heart. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, not just to the words they are using. Try to understand their point of view and what they are feeling.

3. Don't interrupt. Let the other person finish talking before you respond.

4. Paraphrase what the other person has said. This will help you make sure you understood them correctly.

5. Avoid judgmental comments. Don't judge or criticize the other person's point of view. Just listen and try to understand it.

6. Ask questions if you don't understand something. If there is something you don't understand, ask the other person to explain it.

7. Be patient. Listening takes time and practice. It's not something that you can do overnight.

8. Show interest in what the other person has to say. Let them know that you are interested in what they have to say by nodding, making eye contact, and asking questions.

9. Be respectful. Always treat the other person with respect, even if you don't agree with them.

10. Practice, practice, practice! The more you listen, the better you will become at it.

When I take the time to listen to someone, I are opening up our hearts and minds to them. I am building a connection with them that can be used to share our own experiences and feelings. To improve your listening skills be aware of your tendency to focus on yourself and try to make a conscious effort to focus on the other person. Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions and try to understand what they are saying instead of just hearing it.

Another way to improve your listening skills is by practicing active listening. Active listening involves paying attention to the other person, repeating back what you heard them say, and asking questions to clarify. This not only allows you to better understand the other person, but it also shows that you are interested in what they have to say.

Lastly, remember that everyone can improve their listening skills. It takes practice and effort, but the payoff is worth it. When you become a better listener, you will develop better relationships with the people around you. You will also gain a better understanding of their point of view, which can be valuable in discussions and negotiations.

So, talk less and listen more and see the difference it makes in your life.

rent free

rent free

You live in my heart rent-free,

You are welcome to stay forever.

You never have to worry about a thing,

I'll always be there for you.

If there is room in your heart,

Please make room for me.

I'll wait until its ready.

You are my heart's true place,

There's nothing like the feeling of coming home.

It's always warm and welcoming,

No matter what happens in the outside world

You live in my heart rent-free,

You are welcome to stay forever.

I love you.

Doubt

Doubt is a devil on my shoulder.

I am constantly battling with doubt. It is a constant thorn in my side, trying to convince me that I am not good enough.

Doubt tells me that I am not smart enough, or talented enough. It tells me that I am a fraud and that I am going to be discovered at any moment.

Doubt is a liar, and I have to fight hard to not believe it.

I know that I am capable of great things because I have accomplished many great things in my life, and I know that I can do more.

Doubt wants me to give up, but I am not going to let it win. I am going to keep fighting, and I am going to keep achieving my goals.

Doubt may be a devil on my shoulder, but I am not going to let it defeat me.

I am going to stay strong and keep moving forward

perseverance

Perseverance

I'm not saying that it's bad, or anything like that. Perseverance is definitely a virtue; but when you persevere at something for too long, even if it's the right choice, you become prideful and arrogant about your decision. This can turn into a downward spiral where you keep persevering because of this false sense of self until you're walking around with a half destroyed life.

" There's a time and place for perseverance, but it is not in all moments."

It's important to remember that perseverance isn't always the answer. Sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and re-evaluate your choices. This doesn't mean that you're weak and can't stick to your goals. It just means that you're human and should be allowed to change your mind every now and again.

So how do we know when to persevere or cut our losses? I think the answer lies in knowing yourself, gauging the risk/reward factor of a situation, and knowing your boundaries.

All of these factors will help you determine when to push through and persevere, and when to cut your losses and start over. Let's take each one individually:

Know yourself – You can't expect everyone to be happy or satisfied with the choices that you make. Sometimes we want different things than other people, and that's okay. You don't have to get everyone's approval for every decision you make, just be aware of how other people might react to your ideas so that you can prepare yourself mentally. If someone close to you doesn't support your idea or decision, take the time to reflect on why their opinion is in contrast with yours. Maybe it's something that you haven't considered and will change your mind. Maybe it means that the choice isn't right for you, and you can move on. Either way, knowing yourself is the key to making a decision after weighing all of the factors listed here.

Gauge risk vs reward – This is probably one of the most important decisions you can make. If you look at your choice and the possible outcomes, and decide that there's a very small chance for success or it simply isn't worth the risk/stress/effort then cut your losses and move on. This is where knowing yourself will come in handy, because if this decision holds a great deal of importance to you- you're going to have a harder time letting it go. There are definitely cases where reconsidering the choice only brings more risk/pain, and that's when you have to decide if perseverance is truly worth your sanity.

Know your boundaries – This is different for everyone. What I mean by this is knowing the kinds of things that make you happy, what kind of person you are (laid back vs high strung), and how far you're willing to go for something. I'm not saying that this is easy; it's definitely the hardest thing on the list here- but it's also important. If your life is full of stress and drama, you might want to reevaluate some of the choices that put you into that situation. If you're uncomfortable or feel like someone is taking advantage of your kindness then it's time to stop putting yourself through this.

Know when to persevere – This is where I think perseverance works best; when you know something isn't ideal but you've weighed all of your options and can't find a way out. It's okay to make less than ideal choices because you don't have other options. In fact, I think it's the only time perseverance should be used. The other side of this is when you know what your choice entails and you're going into it willingly- not because there isn't another choice that could yield less or more ideal results, but because you've decided this is the best route for you. These are the only instances in which I think it's okay to make a choice and double down on your efforts.

When to cut your losses – This one is a little harder, but it's also very important. Everyone has a breaking point- you know those situations that are completely out of your control and make you want to pull your hair out? You have to learn when enough is enough and put the effort into finding a way out before you lose yourself over something. The key to this one is knowing yourself and when you start doing things that are out of character for you, or when your stress/drama level gets so high it starts impacting other areas in your life. If these things are happening then it's time to reevaluate the situation because chances are there's a better choice somewhere else- even if you can't see it at the moment.

my inner child

I have a very sensitive, creative, insecure, and loving little boy that still lives in me. He still needs love and attention, and positive reinforcement. I need to start to treat him like he is a real child in need of protection, not a thing to suppress. He needs to be treated as if a stranger were to hurt him, I would protect him.

I need to start respecting his boundaries as I respect those of other adults, but others need to respect his/my boundaries too and I need to express them for him and for myself more clearly. This is the only way I can protect him while still living my life.

I need to give him strength and validation for the things he feels and thinks. He is a sensitive soul that should be allowed to follow his feelings and not feel ashamed for it. Kindness and understanding should be first the first response: NOT SHAME, REJECTION AND EMPATHY LACKING!

This may seem like a strange viewpoint, but after so much time being conditioned by my adult life and adult relationships to be and act certain ways, it is going to take a lot of effort on my part to undo what has been done. I want so much for this boy inside me to be able to thrive, to love and be loved and respected. I want to be able to take care of the boy inside me the same way that I would love my own child if they were hurting or afraid, but this can't happen until I give him what he needs. I need to be the man I needed as a child.

I need to give him back what he has given me throughout the years. A place of safety and security, someone to guide in the right direction while encouraging and celebrating his uniqueness. I need to give him back some of the precious childhood dreams he has given me that were never meant for me. I need to be able to accept his differences and treat them as strengths not weaknesses. I also need to allow him time to just play, and re-build confidence.

He needs a safe space where he can be spontaneous without having to worry about reactions or judgments from others.

In this way, I will give him the chance to shine.

If this boy inside is ever really going to find himself- I must find him!

body built of scars

an open wound 

fresh and familiar 

exposed and vulnerable  

the cut

is

so

deep  

air stings

completely avoidable

i’m tending  it 

i’m mending it 

everyday 

to help make the pain go away

it’s never fast enough

and no novocain 

the wound will heal

with care and time

a scar will remain 

i wish i could see 

but it’s there  

soft and tender 

reminding me

of the pain 

the scar will mature 

solidify and ease 

so will the memory 

and a lesson will be revealed

the pain will fade

but 

never 

fully 

d  i  s  a  p  p  e  a  r .    

i wash away the fear 

i wash away the pain

not just with tears 

as all things dissolve 

with the entropy of time

my triage skill remains sharp

i’m always ready 

for another cut 

and another scar 

to a

appear 

self awareness

self-awareness

I always thought self-awareness was something you were born with, but have since learned it is something that is taught and I had to learn how to be more self-aware.. You can be taught to be more aware of your own feelings and how they play out in your life. It is different from introspection, which is about examining yourself without any outside influence or distraction. Self-awareness has outside influences, it is very personal, but it allows you to see your feelings about yourself within certain situations.

I was unaware of how much I responded to my feelings about myself. I knew I had conflicting emotions all of the time, but did not know why, or that there were reasons for it. Now after learning about self-awareness through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), I can see clearly what is happening with my brain and why, which helps me feel better.

People who are self-aware have a strong sense of identity. They understand how they have been influenced by their interactions with others and can separate from that influence to truly understand themselves as a person apart from others, which is healthy because it allows for self-compassion and respect. However, people who are not self-aware tend to struggle more because they do not understand themselves as separate from others, which means they can't distinguish where others end, and they begin. They tend to be more susceptible to outside influence and can't make decisions without considering how they think others will perceive the action.

When I am struggling with my emotions, or when I feel like my brain is doing something that does not make sense, or conflicting with how it has been behaving for the past few months, I can take a step back and say to myself, "I know this feels cloudy, but let me get through the fog so I can see what's going on." Then I think about why it is happening. Is it because one of my two selves has been activated? Is it because something from the past that happened where I was not self-aware is resurfacing? Is it because my brain is struggling with the present and how it is responding to certain things?

By learning about myself, I can better understand why certain feelings come up for me at specific times. I can see that there are reasons behind my actions and reactions, which helps me feel more in control of myself and my actions.

When I can recognize that an event has triggered a certain response in me, I can change how I respond by talking nicely to myself about what is happening, which changes the way my brain responds, which makes it easier for me not to get overwhelmed by my feelings.

The most common method to test self-awareness is to sit someone down in front of a mirror and watch them. What they do and say at that moment, if it is genuine or not, can help you to see their true, unfiltered colors. Most people will be able to talk and move in a normal manner. A few may laugh or smile widely at their reflection—something we've all done at some point. But, more often than not, they will look away and possibly even cover their face or turn the mirror around so they can't see themselves. At this moment, you have seen what truly lies beneath the surface for them—what their self-awareness is.

In most cases, a mirror is not required to see someone's self-awareness. We all have degrees of self-awareness in ourselves, as it is a part of being human. It can determine how successful we are in life and how happy our relationships will be. When someone is aware of themselves, it means they are self-possessed. They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, they are at peace with how they look and who they truly are. They know their limitations and accept them, but they work on either minimizing the negative or maximizing the positive.

Self-aware people know that they are not perfect and never will be, but at the same time, they don't let that hold them back. They focus on their positive qualities and work to improve the rest. In a sense, they can learn from their mistakes and experiences. They use them to shape who they are as a person without letting them dictate who they will become.

At the same time, self-aware people know what bothers them about themselves, but they don't allow it to get in their way of living life. If they're unhappy with something about themselves, then they'll do the inner work that is needed to change it. Because of this, even if what bothers them isn't fixed, at least they know they've tried and given it their all.

If someone is not self-aware, it can be a serious issue. A lack of self-awareness can lead to:

• Stress and anxiety

• Depression

• Behavioral issues, including violence

• Relationship problems

It's important to make sure children are taught about self-awareness at a young age. If not, they could become adults that are either stuck in their ways or feel they must put up a false front when around others.

Children and adults that need to be taught how to be self-aware gain any benefits doing so, including:

• Improved communication skills

• Higher level of confidence

• Happier relationships

• Greater ability to solve problems on one's own

Self-awareness is also important for personal growth. It allows people to move past their issues and focus on becoming a better version of themselves. It helps them handle unfortunate situations as they arise, rather than allowing them to hinder them for years.

How do you teach self-awareness?

'Self-awareness' is a particularly hard quality to teach. Rather, students of self-awareness need to encourage the spirit of self-awareness. They should help students to become more comfortable with themselves, their feelings, and how they are perceived by others. They should also be aware of the traits associated with self-awareness, such as empathy, perspective-taking, honesty, trustworthiness, helpfulness, gratitude, modesty, courage, perseverance, etc.

They should be taught to question themselves and their feelings, as well as how they act in certain situations. They need to be able to take a step back from their thoughts and feelings, to be able to analyze them.

One way to do this is by encouraging them to keep a journal. They can write down their feelings and thoughts throughout the day. This will help them to see patterns in themselves, which could help them work on becoming a better version of themselves.

Another way to teach self-awareness is by encouraging people to take a step back and watch how they interact with others. They need to pay attention to their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. This can help them figure out which behaviors are welcomed by other people, and which are not.

It's important for teachers to also model self-awareness in their own lives, so they can show students what it looks like. They need to be able to admit when they've made a mistake and why that was the case. This helps them learn that making mistakes shows that we're trying, and it's how we respond to those mistakes that defines who we are as people.

Another way for teachers to teach self-awareness is by encouraging students to be honest when it comes to their feelings and mistakes. For example, if a student falls over because they missed a step, the teacher shouldn't laugh or point out that mistake in front of others. Instead, they should soothe the student and let them know it was okay.

It's also important for teachers to let students know it's okay not to be perfect. It's impossible to be perfect, but people can keep trying and become better versions of themselves.

It's also important to have a strong support system in place. If you are struggling with misplaced feelings or behaviors, it's vital to have people around you who can help motivate and guide you.

'Self-awareness is the ability to reflect and gain an insight into your thought and behavior patterns. This provides you with a greater understanding of yourself and your reactions or interactions with others, which then allows you to adjust accordingly.'

Remember, self-awareness is the key to happiness and success

Happiness

Joy is fleeting, invest in happiness stocks now!

Is this even possible?

Will the stock market finally enter the realm of ethics?

We're not sure yet but we'll find out soon.

Will it be successful though? Most likely.

Based on extensive research compiled over my breakfast this morning, only one asset class provides reliable returns in all economic scenarios: happiness investments.

As our world has become less and less friendly to the average Joe and Jane, we all look for ways to escape the day-to-day problems life puts upon us. The pursuit of happiness (or unhappiness avoidance) has always been a worthwhile investment whether we like it or not. I hereby make available my study on happiness investments and their effects on economic growth and personal finance.

The key findings:

- Happiness is an important predictor of economic growth.

- Increases in happiness lead to immediate increases in consumption and savings(!).

- Consumption and savings lead to short-term economic growth, but the effect on long-term economic growth is unclear. (It was a small breakfast study)

- The market for happiness investments has completely failed so far. Why? The Capitalist system can't provide happiness.

- Happiness is positively correlated with empathy, compassion, and generosity.

Now, let's move on to the details!

Happiness as a predictor of economic growth;

Let's first understand why happiness should be a predictor for economic growth. In an ever-changing world, to keep up you have to adapt. One way to do so is by being happy. Why? Well, because being unhappy makes it impossible to enjoy anything else in life and then your only goal becomes to combat the unhappiness. To fight unhappiness, people work harder and longer hours while simultaneously cutting down on consumption. This leads to a decrease in productivity and eventually lower economic growth rates. The effect is so strong it's depressing (!!!!)

Increases in happiness lead to immediate increases in consumption and savings;

Based on this logic we should be seeing an increase in economic growth whenever we see an increase in happiness. That's exactly what we've seen on a historical basis. So, happiness is without a doubt a predictor of economic growth on the macro level!

Why the Capitalist system can't provide happiness;

In Capitalist countries, huge amounts of money are being spent on products and services that have been scientifically proven to not affect happiness. These expenditures have been estimated to be as high as $1 trillion per year in the US alone! This is not only an ethical problem but also a severe drag on the economy. The increased spending doesn't raise the overall happiness level though. It merely spreads it more thinly among people and increases unhappiness in aggregate, causing further decreases in consumption and even less well-being. The economy is sent into a downward spiral of decreasing happiness until it finally collapses.

Happiness is positively correlated with empathy, compassion, and generosity.

Empathy, compassion, and generosity are all strong predictors for higher happiness levels. If we want to develop our economy, more of us must start building up these positive traits! Fortunately, the research on happiness also shows that cultivating empathy and compassion is not only highly rewarding but also extremely fun! It just takes some effort to get started and the payoffs are amazing. So, there might be a way to get rich quickly after all.

Ethics:

Based on the false belief that money can buy happiness, many people are engaged in unethical business practices that manipulate consumers into buying more than they need or want. By using psychological techniques, advertising companies increase our dissatisfaction with what we have and drive us further into debt to reduce it. An ethical business agenda, on the other hand, could provide an alternative route for increasing happiness levels. The aim of every company should be to sell products that improve people's lives instead of making them feel bad or inadequate about their current situations. This is an effort that I am committed to as part of my business activities. So, there you have it! A solution to the unhappiness problem, at least partially. I'm not sure how useful all this is in practice though. It seems to me that a good way to become happy is not focusing on the question of happiness at all. I'm pretty sure Einstein said something similar about science...

So, after my extensive research, I found that there are three main components to happiness: pleasure, happiness, and meaning. Because of current data availability, my study is limited to the time it will take to eat my last pancake. This means it's composed entirely of good feelings and experiences that you can have in a single day.

Happiness = The feeling of being content with your life as a whole. Meaning, the long-term well-being & satisfaction you get from everything you do during your time on Earth.

Pleasure = The feeling of having a good time, good experiences, and a positive state of mind.

Meaning = The feeling of contributing to something bigger than yourself.

So, the key question is: Can happiness investments affect all three measurements equally? It turns out they can! Now just trust me on this one. I measured how happy people are clearly and objectively. Obviously, the best way to do this would be using a Functional MRI scanner but I can't afford one myself so instead, I used a rudimentary alternative: see image attached.

This amazing picture above was taken after dinner!

There you have it; we now know how much money you need to be happy. I'm going to put this research to good use in my business activities.

Have a great day everyone and be happy!

Choices

We have the freedom to choose whatever life we want to live but that does not absolve us of the consequences of those choices. We must take responsibility for our actions and not be so quick to blame others. We are accountable for our choices, not others. Like all people, I have made bad choices in my lifetime, and am still making them. Or, maybe I should say that I have made some not-so-good choices.

There is a critical point with choices made, and it is very important to distinguish between accountability and consequences. Accountability is about accepting responsibility for actions taken or words that were spoken, while consequences are what happen as a result of our decisions. Accountability does not mean that we are automatically entitled to or guaranteed a consequence-free life. Accountability is about being an adult and taking responsibility for our actions, whereas consequences are what happens as a result of our bad choices.

I've had a lot of time to think while living in the country in the Hudson Valley over the past few years. One of the things that has been on my mind is how we sometimes try to blame others for our bad choices and then expect something good to come from doing so. It's like we're trying to get short-term satisfaction by feeling morally superior while at the same time we're also trying to escape the consequences of our bad choices.

I think we're all pretty much adults and we know what to expect when we do something not so good. We expect consequences, and the bigger the decision the higher percentage of risks there are for negative consequences. It's part of life. And while getting caught is still a possibility, it doesn't mean that you will get away with your bad behavior.

 Accountability and consequences go hand-in-hand, but we often want to believe we can have it both ways: assume accountability for our actions while at the same time expecting no negative consequences from them. That's like trying to get a free lunch!

The more I sit in the country and think about my past, it becomes apparent that I've been trying to get a free lunch. I try and assume accountability whenever I think it will benefit me in some way, but then I also expect nothing bad to come from my behavior.  

In all this, there is another critical point: An apology being offered for what has been done, is not an excuse. It's a way of accepting responsibility while at the same time making amends for your behavior. The reason why people sometimes give excuses is to try and escape the consequences of their behavior. And while you will get no argument from me about how people can be "evil" (yes, I do believe such a thing exists), most bad behavior results from the lack of self-control and self-discipline that we all possess.

And even when we recognize our mistakes and try to correct them through an apology, there are consequences for those actions. An apology does not guarantee that the person you have offended will accept it or forgive you.

The biggest problem with apologies is that they often do not address the consequences of our behavior, and I think this brings us back to the question of accountability versus consequences.   So, whether you truly are sorry or not, apologizing doesn't mean that you are entitled to anything other than what is deserved by your words and actions. If I am going to learn anything from all this then it has to start by not repeating the same mistakes over again.

I'm not saying that I will always make good choices, but at least now I am trying to be responsible for my own life. It's a process, one where I try and admit when I make mistakes, then accept responsibility for them, apologize and live with the consequences.

Finally, here's a tip if you want to avoid consequences: Don't make choices that will result in them!

CWQuigley

Struggle

Struggling with mental illness is not always a daily battle. Sometimes it is more like a full-scale war. People who spend every day fighting the depression, anxiety, mood swings and other symptoms of mental illness are often left exhausted by the relentless fight. What many are not aware of is how common it is to come across people who are silently fighting their own war. People who are too afraid to admit they need help, or even feel ashamed of their symptoms.

Yup I am having one of those days...actually weeks. Dealing with the simplest of tasks is a chore and it is not a fair fight. I feel like the old me is gone or left his body and this new person has taken over.

Mental illness is the leading cause of disability around the world. Among these, depression. The most common mental illness, affecting more than three hundred million people of all ages worldwide. Symptoms include sadness, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, changes in appetite and energy levels, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, difficulty concentrating and suicidal thoughts.

Easier said than done. We all know that depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, but what about all these other conditions?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting forty million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18 percent of the population. It is also estimated that 44 percent of the population will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to, feelings of panic or fear, shortness of breath or smothering sensations, chest pain or discomfort, choking or nausea, dizziness, light-headedness or loss of balance, tingling hands or feet, feeling that things around them are "not real" or fear of losing control.

Just being me.

The symptoms for obsessive-compulsive disorder include unwanted thoughts or ideas, repetitive behaviors, fears of contamination, irrational worries, unwanted images. The two most common mental illnesses are actually very close, but why is it that they go hand in hand?

"Anxiety and depression often occur together. They can occur at separate times or simultaneously. Sometimes anxiety precedes depression and sometimes depression precedes anxiety. But even when they occur at the same time, it is important to know that both can be treated effectively. It is not uncommon for people to experience one or the other — or even both at the same time — and lead very productive lives."

Vicious cycle.

As it turns out, this is not rare at all. According to clinical studies, about half people with unipolar depression develop comorbid anxiety disorders. If you are wondering what the other half is up to - they're developing something else entirely new.

It is like an endless circle. I feel one way, then it changes to something else. And moreover, there are times when I have absolutely no idea what is going on or how I am feeling.

But as they say “Do not be so hard on yourself”, every disorder has its own timeline for development. Some may develop after a major life event, while others do not show their symptoms until much later. If you are struggling, it is important to keep in mind that recovery can take many forms. Recovery does not mean that all the symptoms will go away - recovery means that you will learn to cope with them, so they no longer interfere in your life.

I wish I could explain what it feels like.

Work

It costs companies more to replace top talent than it would have cost to keep them by improving their salaries and developing their growth potential.

A study (conducted by Towers Watson) found that companies can lose millions for every top-level executive they lose, plus the time it takes to recruit, train and integrate a new leader. The loss of a top performer costs more because it takes time and money to find someone just as good.

A survey by Right Management Consultants found that 95% of companies feel they are losing valued employee contributions when an employee leaves, but only 33% felt they did enough to keep their talents.

If you think you're high-potential employees are considering leaving, here are a few steps to help you retain them.

1) Listen

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. It's much easier to keep an employee close if you know what they want beforehand.   

A Global Leadership Forecast Study showed that leaders who used a performance management process were eight times more likely to keep their top performers than those that didn't.

2) allow your employees to grow with the company

If you've never given an employee the chance to advance, chances are they'll go somewhere else where they can start climbing the ladder.

3) Don't rely on job titles alone

What do your high-potential employees want? A promotion? More responsibility? To earn more money? If you're not sure what your talent wants, ask them!

4) Build relationships

Talented employees are always looking for a connection with their employer, if they feel like you care about them as an individual they'll be less likely to leave.

5) If you want something done ask a busy person to do it

It may seem counterintuitive, but employees with lots going on at work are less likely to leave. A study conducted by the Center for American Progress found that as tasks become more complex and time becomes more limited, employees become more committed to their organization.

6) "Incentivize" your top employees-Everyone loves a reward, and high-potential employees are no exception. If you want to keep them around, show them that their efforts aren't going unnoticed.

7) Ensure they see the big picture-It's all well and good knowing what your talented employees do day-to-day but they need to know why it matters. They need to understand how their efforts contribute to the success of your company and the market in general. If they don't know, they'll go somewhere where they can see for themselves.

How about you? What do you think is the best way to retain top employees? Or perhaps there's a better way than these?

Thanks for taking the time to read,

I hope you found this article interesting and enlightening. If you did, please share it with others. You can do this easily by clicking on one of the social share buttons below.

Until next time, All the best!

Christopher Quigley

Gratitude

The words grateful and gratitude have been floating around me a lot recently. I am sure it is because of my current mindset and some incredibly positive input, but lately when I think about gratitude, my mind is filled with all the things I am grateful for in my life, all of which are people or relationships.

It is funny, because I always thought that gratitude was something you only related to materialistic objects you were given, like a new pair of shoes or gadgets or home appliances. Even food I have always been grateful for. It has just become more profound recently, whether it is my choice or not.

The past few years have been a struggle for me in so many ways, but I look back on how much harder things have been and I just feel stuck. Does anyone else ever get that way? Well, this past week, a friend spoke to me about his past and his current outlook on life and how he believes everything happens for a reason and how grateful and forgiving he is. My takeaway was, it is so important to be grateful for what we have because if we are not thankful for the good things in our lives, then we are not opening ourselves up to see the good that is trying to come into our lives.

I have always thought it is important to be grateful for what I have in my life, but I do not think I ever really acted on that belief. I have a challenge for you all, think long and hard about the person, place, or anything for that matter. This does not have to be materialistic; it can be your pet dog or your favorite song, a person, place or whatever. Just take a moment each day to think about that "I am grateful for this because ___________." Now, take it one step further and say or write down your gratitude(s) during that moment. I am not going to lie; this is not the easiest thing, but we must start somewhere, and you will be surprised how much better you feel when you do this.

Gratitude reduces the effects of stress on your body - it is that simple, just think about what you are grateful for during stressful times and see how much better you feel. Increased optimism - because when we practice gratitude, we look at things in a unique perspective, right? Negative emotions shrink while positive emotions grow - when we are practicing gratitude, we are focusing on the good things that bring positive emotions into our lives. Gratitude is contagious - go on and spread some joy by sharing your gratitude with family, friends or even strangers!

I hope you all take this challenge to heart because it really is effective.

Just a quick note, this is not me trying to push any beliefs onto anyone about religion & such, just look at it as more of a suggestion, that what is presented to us in the world only comes around once (so do not take it for granted) and when we show our gratitude, it is a powerful thing.

Thank you for reading,

Until next time.

Control

We can only control four things in life,

Our desires

Our actions

Our words

Our intentions

I will clarify these below.

We can control our desires, but we cannot say that we always choose to do so. This is because the influence of our desires is sometimes too strong to resist. People who are ruled by their desires become a victim of this influence. They eventually lose themselves to them with no longer being able to control them.

We can control the actions we take if we have the willingness to do so. It is not hard for anyone who has that willing mind because it is an easy task that needs only a few attempts to perfect. However, the result of mastering this task makes it easier for us to achieve our goals without having any problem in taking whatever thoughtful actions are required to achieve them.

We can control the words we speak, but sometimes people are not aware of their words, they only say things without considering the consequences. Later when they become aware of what they have said, they feel regret for saying it. But when we know the consequences of our words and take caution in speaking to them, we can minimize problems they create. Speak your words with intention.

We can control our intentions, controlling our intentions is easy, but many people fail to do so. It is because they just act without having any specific purpose in mind. One who wants to achieve something, therefore, should always keep his/her intentions clear and set.

Desires determine your actions, actions determine your words, words determine your intentions, and intentions determine all your desires.

If you want to do something, that is a desire.

If you say it, but do not mean it, that's just words.

If you think you are going to do something and then decide against it later, that is the intention.

If you intend to not do it, but then do it, that is the action.

The last point is the most important because if you intend to not do something and try your hardest not to, and you still find yourself doing it, then you need to make stronger intentions until there is no doubt about what your desires are and what they will lead you to do, then you will find that everything else falls into place as an afterthought or consequence of those decisions.

The only way to have total control is to never have any desires, never want anything, never intending anything, never saying anything, and never doing anything. Not exactly a realistic goal, and since it is impossible to not have any desires . . . all you can do is work towards having better desires.

The question is, which do you want more? To be in control or to have better desires?

That is what we call a trade-off.

You know the answer to this question already . . . it is an obvious decision; we all want better desires.

I tell you this because it is possible to have any desire and make it into a good one, with the right timing, the right words said at the perfect moment, and saying it with pure intentions, a desire can be made into a good one.

Fear

dealing with fear

I have been dealing with fear for as long as I can remember. Fear is a powerful motivator. It has driven me to do things that I never thought possible, and it has kept me from attempting many other things that I should have done.

Fear of rejection, failure, not being good enough – these are all fears which we have experienced many times over the years.

Up until about two years ago, I think my mind would be described as "fear-based". I wondered if my experience is typical of others and in my research a common theme that comes up repeatedly – is this idea of "fear-based" thinking.

It is fair to say that while most of us are controlled by some degree of fear, fear can be an especially large factor in the life of a highly sensitive person or even someone in recovery, (for the purposes of this essay we will call both groups HSP's.)

The fear is that everything is changing and will change. That once we leave our comfort zone, our life will never be the same. And isn't that what recovery is about? Leaving the safety of "what was" and risking change to get on with living? The Fear turns into a learning experience and that leads to growth.

Sometimes fear can become more than just a motivator for change; it becomes, I believe, a roadblock – one which keeps us in our comfort zone and prevents us from experiencing life in the way we were meant to.

"Don't go!" My fears scream at me every time I try something new.

The fear voice tells me that I will not be able to manage it. The fear voice reminds me of all that could go wrong, the fear voice is just waiting for me to fail so it can be validated.

It is very hard not to listen to the fear voice. Fear has been my constant companion since I was a small child and I have come to realize that the fear is by-proxy of dealing with my sexuality and coming out. My fears do not want me to get hurt, they do not want me to try something new or different, they do not want me to fail. If my fears could have their way, I would stay in a safe place all by myself and never experience anything fun, new, or exciting.

There can be a fine line between fear and our intuition – but the two are intertwined. Fear gives us that "not on my watch" protective factor which can be helpful in many situations. But when that fear becomes overwhelming, it does not allow us to see outside of your own perspective, to take chances or make mistakes, and rather than empowering you, it can keep you stuck and narrow your focus. Intuition, on the other hand, is about opening your mind and allowing yourself to take in information that comes from outside your usual everyday experience. This "outside information" can be sensed through emotions, feelings, gut instincts or just a knowingness that comes over you.

Over time I have managed to recognize when my fears are trying to tell me something and when I am giving in to my fears which prevent me from seeing a bigger picture. I have learned that most of the time, it is better for me to listen to what my intuition is telling me rather than going with what my fears are trying to tell me.

When I do listen to my fears, I usually end up regretting it later. It usually means that I have chosen the "safe" path rather than one which may have been difficult on my ego, but immensely rewarding in other ways.

Life is about change and the only constant in life is change. The more you can accept this fundamental truth, the more you are able to embrace the idea that change is positive. It is about learning to see fear as your friend and using it to push you forward – rather than letting fear use you. By doing this, we can keep our intuition in balance with our fears and create a balance of thoughts, feelings and desires that will allow us to live our best life.

I am not sure when the change happened for me but at some point, over the last few years, I became aware of this constant battle inside my head between fear and intuition. And I began to make the choice to act on what felt right rather than listen to that ever-present inner voice telling me of all the potential things that could go wrong.

It sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But in the moment of decision when you are left to make a choice between fear and intuition, you can experience an incredible amount of mental resistance, especially if you are not aware that this struggle is happening inside your head. With awareness comes power - and the ability to not just choose but also to act on that choice.

This last year was a tough one for me and 7.5 billion others. There were many changes in my life, and I experienced the confusion, overwhelming fear and self-doubt which accompanies these changes. But I want to make it clear that this was not because of some outside influence or some new circumstance that came into my life. This was the result of my own choice to change what I do and how I think.

I am not saying that you have complete control over your choices, or the consequences associated with them but if you are aware of that struggle within yourself then at some level you can manage your fear. HSP's brains are already wired differently, and this influences how we perceive and process the world around us. Our brain can be overwhelmed by too much sensory input because there is so many stimuli coming into the brain at any one time. This can trigger something called "amygdala hijack". While we all have an amygdala, or what I also like to call our "inner ninja", it has a more significant role in the life of an HSP and this makes it harder to deal with fear and anxiety. Our inner ninja is and constantly on alert for danger – even if there really is not any threat at all. This sense of fear and anxiety becomes amplified when we are in a "probable danger" situation, such as sitting down to take an exam, giving a presentation at work, or asking someone out on a date, or taking control of our health and wellbeing or thinking about probable future interactions.

These situations activate the ancient survival part of our brain: the amygdala. While this is helpful in terms of getting us to be alert, it is also this part of the brain which is responsible for our fear response.

Our inner ninja can run amok when we are in danger, causing us to freeze when we should act, flee when we should fight and become overwhelmed by the stress of the situation. It is not that we do not know on some level that there really is not any danger, it is more to do with our brain's wiring. A highly sensitive person's amygdala is over-stimulated by too much sensory input so when they are in a threatening situation, they experience the fight-or-flight response even when it is not necessary. Drugs and alcohol dull our inner ninja's fight-or-flight response and can leave us feeling a false sense of security, at least temporarily.

So, what can we do about it? Well, for myself meditation has been a way to help gain the upper hand on my fear. I had attempted meditation in the past but never had any success with it until I found some guided meditations that were designed for people just like me. It has made all the difference in my life, and I now meditate every day, even if it is for 30 seconds.

Now, when I find myself worrying about something, I close my eyes and take some deep breaths before starting to meditate. Within five minutes or so I am already feeling much calmer and my mind is no longer racing. I have experienced major improvements in my stress levels, anxiety, and overall mood since I started meditating regularly.

The next step I took was to rid my routine of negative thought patterns. This was not always easy because it meant that I had to be much more aware of what was going on in my life 24 hours a day. I had to look at all my thoughts and ask myself "Is this a productive or unproductive thought". If it is the latter, then I need to challenge that thought, and reframe it into something positive. It takes practice, repetition, and consistency.

But sometimes negative thoughts are not just things that are going through our heads alone but are also what we are telling ourselves. It means that we need to also pay attention to our thoughts and how often we are saying something negative about ourselves. Negative self-talk is dangerous because it reinforces those negative thought patterns in the brain, causing them to become more of a reality than they should be. Thus, triggering more fear.

So now I check my thoughts constantly and if they are not going to help me or someone else, I do not say them. I also have a rule that I can only speak about something negative if it is constructive criticism and will lead to a positive change, never for the purpose of being a bitch. This has been working well for me because not only does it stop me from being negative, but it also helps me say more positive things because that is what I am thinking.

But sometimes I still slip into negative thinking or say something bad about myself. When this happens, I always try to find someone who will tell me the truth, even if it is difficult to hear. I surround myself with people who will give it to me straight because they understand that I want to make changes for the better and usually have some good advice to offer.

And of course, look within yourself. Try very hard not to be judgmental towards others because I know that if I am judging them, then I will be just as judgmental towards myself.

The point is to go within and face your fears on a more personal level. It is continuing to work towards achieving the life that you long for, but with courage, love, and compassion.

And of course, look within yourself. Try very hard not to be judgmental towards others because I know that if I am judging them, then I will be just as judgmental towards myself.

Fear turns into a learning experience and that leads to positive personal growth. The point is to go within and face your fears on a more personal level. It is continuing to work towards achieving the life that you long for, but with courage, love, and compassion.

Art Appreciation

Art and culture participation makes a difference in people’s lives on a massive scale. Our societies stand to gain from investments in the arts and arts education. Appreciating the art works made by others help us become not just happier and healthier, but also better more engaged citizens. Data from the General Social Survey linked participation as either an audience member or creator to higher levels of civic engagement. (“Blogger - XMABOL KREATIONZ”)

The correlations are quite compelling.

People who attended art shows or read poetry were more likely to volunteer in the last year. They were also more likely to have helped a stranger, donated blood, given money to a homeless person, or donated time or money to an organization. When queried about their civic participation in the last month, people who participated in arts events were also more likely to have attended a public meeting, contacted an elected official, and voted.

The difference was even more profound for those who created art themselves. People who had done creative writing or woodworking or played music at least once in the past year, were much more likely to have done each of the activities listed in the survey, including volunteering in the community.

The same study also found an increase in happiness with art appreciation and participation. The authors matched up how often people had attended art shows or read poetry with their self-reported levels of happiness. People who did either activity several times a year were happier than those who had never done it or did it less often.

Now more than ever, we need to remember the role and purpose of arts and culture in our lives; it plays a significant role in strengthening our economy, health, well-being, society, and education.

We call this “Placemaking or Urban Enchantment Engineering"” — the connection between people and places, loosely defined as a multi-faceted approach to the planning, design and management of public spaces that builds on the physical, historical and cultural assets of a community to create vibrant places that attract investment and encourage economic growth.

In this context, placemaking is based on the premise that if people are enchanted by their surroundings, they will be more likely to act in ways that benefit themselves and their communities—by spending time in public spaces. This Urban Enchantment Engineering is achieved using Arts and Culture as a tool to achieve sustainable, healthy, and humane cities.

The thinking is that placemaking starts with the creation of public art inspired by community input about what they want to see in their cityscape. This helps communities craft a vision for their neighborhood or downtown area. Public art can be a catalyst for change; it can transform perceptions of communities, attract investment, and promote economic growth. It can also enable people to express themselves in new ways, encouraging them to join in the development of their city.

Creative placemaking saw its origin in Canada and was partly inspired by the work of A Pattern Language, a book which outlines practical applications for design theories developed by Christopher Alexander, Sara Ishikawa, and Murray Silverstein at UC Berkeley.

What we call "Urban Enchantment Engineering" is simply based on the principals of Social Placemaking as outlined in this book.

The first social place-making project was launched by Miami Herald columnist and award-winning author Liz Balmaseda, who created an event she called “Art Attack” to bring attention to the often-overlooked Wynwood neighborhood in Miami. In collaboration with dozens of local artists, musicians, and small business owners, she brought a vibrant arts festival to one of the most blighted pockets of her city – an area well-known for its drug violence and high arrest rates. As a result, over ten thousand people came out to participate in the arts festival, and more importantly, revitalization efforts led by several local stakeholders followed.

This is no different from what had done for decades with Dumbo Arts Festival in Brooklyn. But Dumbo required the work of hundreds of talented artists, curators, and leaders of not-for-profit organizations to make it happen it uses arts and culture to influence the physical, economic, and social aspects of urban development. This type of placemaking is achieved through a multi-faceted approach to creating public spaces that builds on the physical, historical, and cultural assets of a community. This approach takes place along several fronts:

- Art and culture as the centerpiece of a local identity

- A vibrant streetscape that brings people together to socialize and interact.

- An enhanced sense of place that encourages discovery, builds community pride, improves human health, increases property values, supports small business entrepreneurship, provides jobs for artists, promotes environmental stewardship, combats crime and violence, promotes social justice, unites communities under a cohesive vision for the future.

This approach is also called "Place Marketing" by Master Planners. From an economic point of view, Place Marketing efforts are intended to attract new businesses that will in turn create jobs and bolster tax revenues - something mayors seek in every way.

Place Marketing is about making the communities where we live and work more attractive, vibrant, sustainable, and healthy by leveraging our arts and culture industries. It is time to make the invisible visible.

Urban Enchantment Engineering is a grassroots movement that brings awareness to how arts and culture can be used as a tool for urban development, by bringing together complementary uses of land through placemaking efforts. This is part of sensible Urbanism and Smart Growth. It is a community effort which generates innovative ideas to make communities more livable. It is all about taking care of the public realm, from public parks to streets and sidewalks, with an emphasis on bringing people together in shared space -- in essence, making our spaces enchanting.

What may seem like magic spells are simply superior design, applied with a little bit of panache.

The city is a living organism, just like you and me. It evolves every day. It can be painful or glorious. Just like life itself. The city is constantly changing, with some parts of it evolving faster than others. The aim of arts and culture is to help the parts that need our help the most, by using arts and culture as a tool for urban development.

It is not an easy task; it is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and vision, with determination to see ideas transformed into reality.

We are in this together, with our differences, similarities, and common goals. We need to listen more, talk less. We need to learn from each other. We need everyone to get involved because that is how change happens.

LOVE

As human beings existing on this planet, we all have an infinite capacity for acts of caring and love. It is not a finite resource to be hoarded. It is an infinite resource to be given freely and generously. It is the foundation of all human relationships, because it is this precious treasure that connects us together as one human family. Without it we would be isolated and alone. Our instincts drive us constantly to give love and affection, but as we grow up this natural desire is stifled by the 'normal' protocols of society that demand that we follow certain rules of behavior or else face ostracism as a result. Even with all the negative things our species has done, love is an exclusive positive phenomenon.

I am not talking about romantic love here - even though that kind of love is important to us too. I mean a general capacity for caring about people whether we are related by blood, marriage or not.

To care for another person is an act of the heart - not really something to do with brains. It is also one of our greatest human attributes. Think about it.

We risk our own lives to save people we do not even know because they are in distress or need assistance or to reach safety, we do this because their life has value simply because they are human. To risk one’s own life for an unknown person is one of the most noble acts that a human being can do.

So, to love is another story.

There are so many ways to define love - again, ultra-subjective I guess - but there is one observation about it that seems true to me. Love makes us want to look after people, protect them, help them reach their potential...it comes from an inner desire to keep other people safe, happy, and healthy...to give what we have and them what they need.

Love is at its deepest and most selfless when we care about people we do not know. This is because love can be so easily tainted by selfish motives when it becomes mixed with other feelings or expectations. That is why it is sometimes referred to as an unconditional love. To give unconditionally requires real depth of caring, patience and the capacity to forgive because there are many conditions attached to love in our world today. However, the list of things that can be acquired in return for someone loving you seems endless.

And yet…. Loving without expecting anything in return is rare and wonderful - and it is free.

Wherever there is the capacity for love, there is a reason to celebrate! I have recently begun telling family closest to me that I love them ...because I do love them, and it is important to me that they know this. I always knew I loved them and thought it was obvious and I suddenly realized that I did not tell them often enough or really express my feelings towards them.

Therefore, I have also decided to let my friends know they are loved...I believe this type of love; unconditional love protects us and makes us braver. I think if we gave this kind of love more often to those around us, there would be less conflict, fewer wars and people would feel less lonely. Just to clarify this form of unconditional love is not about romantic attachment; it is about caring for someone, warts, and all.

So… now you know to be prepared! Please do not hold it against me though....it does not mean that I expect anything in return. Receiving love can make us feel incredibly vulnerable, but it also makes us immensely strong too – it is because we are capable of great acts of kindness, kindness that we often never receive in return.

Love is exclusive.

Love is about caring for others.

Love is not about only about feelings.

The real work of love is in the action.

Love IS the action.

We could suffer a whole lot less if we all loved each other more.