Choices

We have the freedom to choose whatever life we want to live but that does not absolve us of the consequences of those choices. We must take responsibility for our actions and not be so quick to blame others. We are accountable for our choices, not others. Like all people, I have made bad choices in my lifetime, and am still making them. Or, maybe I should say that I have made some not-so-good choices.

There is a critical point with choices made, and it is very important to distinguish between accountability and consequences. Accountability is about accepting responsibility for actions taken or words that were spoken, while consequences are what happen as a result of our decisions. Accountability does not mean that we are automatically entitled to or guaranteed a consequence-free life. Accountability is about being an adult and taking responsibility for our actions, whereas consequences are what happens as a result of our bad choices.

I've had a lot of time to think while living in the country in the Hudson Valley over the past few years. One of the things that has been on my mind is how we sometimes try to blame others for our bad choices and then expect something good to come from doing so. It's like we're trying to get short-term satisfaction by feeling morally superior while at the same time we're also trying to escape the consequences of our bad choices.

I think we're all pretty much adults and we know what to expect when we do something not so good. We expect consequences, and the bigger the decision the higher percentage of risks there are for negative consequences. It's part of life. And while getting caught is still a possibility, it doesn't mean that you will get away with your bad behavior.

 Accountability and consequences go hand-in-hand, but we often want to believe we can have it both ways: assume accountability for our actions while at the same time expecting no negative consequences from them. That's like trying to get a free lunch!

The more I sit in the country and think about my past, it becomes apparent that I've been trying to get a free lunch. I try and assume accountability whenever I think it will benefit me in some way, but then I also expect nothing bad to come from my behavior.  

In all this, there is another critical point: An apology being offered for what has been done, is not an excuse. It's a way of accepting responsibility while at the same time making amends for your behavior. The reason why people sometimes give excuses is to try and escape the consequences of their behavior. And while you will get no argument from me about how people can be "evil" (yes, I do believe such a thing exists), most bad behavior results from the lack of self-control and self-discipline that we all possess.

And even when we recognize our mistakes and try to correct them through an apology, there are consequences for those actions. An apology does not guarantee that the person you have offended will accept it or forgive you.

The biggest problem with apologies is that they often do not address the consequences of our behavior, and I think this brings us back to the question of accountability versus consequences.   So, whether you truly are sorry or not, apologizing doesn't mean that you are entitled to anything other than what is deserved by your words and actions. If I am going to learn anything from all this then it has to start by not repeating the same mistakes over again.

I'm not saying that I will always make good choices, but at least now I am trying to be responsible for my own life. It's a process, one where I try and admit when I make mistakes, then accept responsibility for them, apologize and live with the consequences.

Finally, here's a tip if you want to avoid consequences: Don't make choices that will result in them!

CWQuigley