Success

success

I have an insatiable need to succeed at everything I do. That may sound like a good thing, and in most respects it is. But some of my endeavors were not exactly positive for me or anyone else involved. But That need to succeed was not something in me naturally, it was not innate to my being. I can point to a single moment when it was created. Before I went back to school to get my degree in Interior design, a very good man told me that I was a great friend but was too unstable to date. It stung, but that lit a fire in me that is still burning today.

I decided that I was going to graduate from a decent design school and nothing was going to stop me. For the next few years, I threw myself into my studies with a vehemence that left little time for anything else. It wasn't easy, but I persevered through an entire degree without ever calling in sick or missing a class. I was fully vested in the process and my need for success burned so brightly that I could not imagine any other outcome than graduation day.

My drive to succeed became an addiction. Back then it seemed like everything else in my life took a backseat to this one goal, but now I look at it and realize that all of the efforts were worth it. No one told me what to do with my degree, there were no defined courses of action for a guy in interior design. So I did what was best for me, and did what no one else was doing, I specialized in lighting ,and I got a job working at a new lighting agency with one of the best in the industry and the best mentors I've had.

I was new to the agency and the owner, but everyone already knew who I was, the owner hired me and had put me on retainer three months before I graduated, three months before that, he offered me the position, I was six months away from graduation and not willing to sacrifice completing my studies and graduating. I turned him down, I told the owner that I was not ready yet. He was pretty surprised but promised to call me in three months, he did, to the day, and I accepted the job.

I was in a fantastic position and I was working side by side with the best in the industry for almost 10 years, that opportunity and education is what led me to where I am today. Success stemmed from pride and ownership of my work, I was part of something greater than myself and I was going to make it work. The need for success led me on a road of personal development and self-actualization, a journey that yielded some incredible results.

My drive to succeed is something that has never left me, no matter the task I have always pushed myself harder than anyone else around me, but now my drive comes from a different place. It stems from good habits and an understanding of what it takes to be successful in your field. So while I am still on the quest for success it is done with reverence and respect that I did not have when I was younger. I have more wisdom, I am better at what I'm doing, and I know the steps to success.

My drive to succeed is no longer an addiction but rather a tool, one that can be used for good or ill. One that can push me on when others give up or one that could cause harm if used carelessly. We are all born with the ability to create needs within ourselves, you can use this need for success in whatever manner you see fit. If you are looking for a way to live up to your full potential I suggest using it responsibly.

I've become a better man from my need for success. It's been almost 25 years since that day when an angel told me I was too unstable to date, and it's been almost 8 years since I left that agency. My need for success is still with me and I am grateful to the angel who told me what he did, but now I know that my drive and will to succeed makes me better.

I was never popular in school. I had friends but never felt that anyone ever really wanted to be seen with me. I never felt attractive, I always wore glasses and my skin was bad, my clothes were acceptable at times garish, and I spent most of my time trying to escape my circumstances in fantasy rather than socializing. I was not a good student, I graduated later but it was a small miracle. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and really didn't have the self-awareness to know that about myself.

I play hard and I love hard. It's also true that I sometimes go to extremes to accomplish my goals and dreams. I typically tell someone I love them first, and when they don't return the gesture I'm often left heartbroken. It does not deter me, I have developed a thick skin where my heart is concerned. But it's not easy, so many times I wanted to give up, but the need for success was something that kept me going through these hard years. The need for success in love was born out of pain and insecurity. It has led me on a path of personal development and while I'm still searching for love it is done with respect.

Success found its way into my love life, just as I found it in my work life. My need for success led me down paths that may not have been best for me but they all made me better, now I live with the memories of those roads and try to make them better ones, this is how I honor my past. I have to be successful in my love life, I try hard, sometimes too hard, sometimes not hard enough but I know the effort is always worth it. When I love, I love hard and will do whatever I must, to make things work, so I have no regrets.

My life is full of success and it's because I was willing to do whatever it took, to be whatever it took for me. You have to understand that being your best self will bring the greatest rewards in life, you must try harder than everyone else, but be persistent and patient, if you don't get it right the first time, try again.

My journey to get here was not an easy road. My need for success saw me through the hard times, it directed my focus on what was important and what mattered most. It gave me passion in a world where no one cares.

Now, instead of obsessing over success or using it as fuel to accomplish great things, I see my need for success as a friend who is always there with the right advice at the right time, an angel guiding me towards where I'm supposed to be.

Time can not be reversed or unwritten, but when looking back at my life I feel like time is a malleable thing, and anything can be changed if you are willing to give up something. I gave up the fantasy, the laziness, the entitlement, the lies, and the glamour of my youth for something real, for something true. I gave up the need to be someone else which is another thing altogether. My need for success today is different from what it was then, now I use it with an understanding of who I am and what I want. And for that, I am grateful.

And so my journey continues, with all of its bumps and curves I press on until the end. Because what's the point in doing this life thing if you can't be happy? If your days are not filled with light and wonderment then is there any point to this existence?